Reflection Time

I am on a journey.  No, I don’t know where I will end up.  Yeah, I know where I am now.  Do I believe that God is guiding me in all the steps I take in life?  Of course I do.  Are there hard times and periods of difficulty with questions of possible doubt?  Sadly, yes.  We are a human people who are are affected by the evil in the world.  When thinking about entering formation (God-willing), things have come to mind that I will have to let go of.  Of course that is going to be hard!  It doesn’t mean I not ready, or that I am not suited for the life.  It means that I am human, a deep thinker, and just trying to figure things out.  Aren’t we all trying to figure things out?

On of my favorite things to do is to take bible verses and see where they inspire me to go.  My range of verses that I know off the top of my head is small, but when I come across one, I like to look at it and see where it takes me.  Sometimes I reflect on it literally.  Other times it causes me to think a little deeper into myself.  I am going to bring up a couple of my favorites that I use often as I love going back and seeing what new places they take me.  Translations do vary, sure.  When we translate many things in the world, not just bible stuff, various responses do come up.  Each leads us to think about our life in a deeper way, or so we hope!  I found to be a progression in the verses, with my life, that I thought interesting.

“When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13

Seek with all your heart!  Let it all go and seek him!  This, as I have mention many a post ago, was the verse for my TEC retreat.  It is amazing how we think we are putting everything we have into search for the Lord and what he has planned for us.  That was the case for me.  I thought that I was putting everything of me into searching.  This past year, it hit me that I really wasn’t.  I feel that after that moment, I have changed to put myself more fully into the search of God and his plan.  The search is constant, it never stops!  Of course I stray here and there, who can honestly say they never have?  My goal here is to never hold back from the Lord and put my all into the search.

“Do not be afraid” Luke 1:30

Did you know that of all the commands to people that Jesus gave, to not be afraid is the most common one by a long shot?  I do not have my book off hand, but this is the thing that struck me the most.  We are a people afraid, and always have been.  We don’t know what is going to happen.  We don’t know where God will reach us.  We don’t know if we will be ready.  We don’t know a lot of things.  The thing is, God does.  He knows what will happen, where he wants to reach us, and he will make sure we are ready.  We may slow the process down if we are not putting all our heart into the whole search!  As hard as it may be, especially at first, we must not be afraid.  We are taken care of when we trust and let our heart be God’s.

“O Lord, You have seduced me, and I have let myself be seduced.  Your word in my heart is like a consuming fire burning deep within my bones.” Jeremiah 20:7

When I first saw this verse, I was excited.  It puts into words some of what I feel when I get all excited about religious life.  We want the Lord to be in us.  We want to take that feeling of the Lord in us and share that with everyone.  To really know the Lord is wanting to know him more.  We can do that by putting are whole heart into the search, giving it to God.  Oh how afraid we are to let loose and let God take us where He wills!  When you figure something out and are drawn to it, you know it.

Like I have said, you may not know where you will go after the first move, but taking that first move is so vital.  If you go and try something that you think God wants you to do then am not filled with joy, God may change his mind or you need to look a little deeper.  There are lessons in every part of life.  For me, I am taking the step to enter formation.  From there, I hope I found the right path.  I could be a Salesian Sister!  If it is not right, God will tell me.  He may want me to experience it so I know what it is like, but then guide me elsewhere.  I just pray that I always search with all my heart, am not afraid, and will let the Lord burn deep in my bones!

 

A Past is Present

It is amazing the power that things have to really get you thinking.  What comes to mind is a retreat experience once had the beginning of my freshman year in college.  TEC gave me  a lot to think about.  The community I was entering (little did I know how it would grow) was wonderful.  Although now I have found another TEC center that I love more, HV 55 (Hiawatha Valley TEC) was the seed of the thing that would land high up on my passions list (not that I keep a list).  The song and verse from my TEC were awesome to be then, but now I as I look at them, there is a new connection I can make.

First, I give you the theme song of my TEC retreat.  It is catchy and I have always loved it.  Enjoy!

The long awaited rains
Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
And carved their way to where
The wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rains
I have been carried here to where the river flows yeah
My heart is racing and my knees are weak
As I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back
Once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice
That’s telling me it’s time to take the leap of faith
So here I go

I’m diving in I’m going deep in over my head I want to be
Caught in the rush lost in the flow in over my head I want to go
The river’s deep the river’s wide the river’s water is alive
So sink or swim I’m diving in

There is a supernatural power
In this mighty river’s flow
It can bring the dead to life
And it can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing
Worth living and worth dying for yeah
But we will never know the awesome power
Of the grace of god
Until we let ourselves get swept away
Into this holy flood
So if you’ll take my hand
We’ll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let’s go

Next, I give to  you the bible verse for my TEC.  Previously, I have given this verse as the basis of a poem I wrote.  You can go here to see it if you wish.

Jeremiah 29:13 “When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.”

I have been doing a lot of pondering about religious life and how much I really want to try this out.  It has been made clear I am definitely afraid.  The other thing on my mind are all the things I do want to lose that are a part of who I am.  I may be over worrying about things, but I also don’t know what I can and can not do if I become a sister some years down the line.  Along with that, I am just basically generally wondering if I am able to handle what God seems to be calling me to.

Take a look at the lyrics from the song.  I need to take a leap of faith.  If I do not let the waters go over my head, I am not fully putting myself in fully to test out what God may be giving to me.  As well, “we will never know the grace of God, until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood.”  We can not know all He has to give unless we put everything that we are into getting caught in His plan.

Linking right in there is the bible verse.  Seeking Him with all my heart is the only way that I will find Him and receive the grace that is meant for me.  Where does my heart lay?  It lays so many places, but above all I try to lay it at the feet of Jesus.  If this true that I do this, than why does everything else that is a part of me in such good ways feel like it would conflict part of what God may want me to do?  This particular bible verse is something I pray every time I go into private prayer since my TEC retreat.  So, where am I putting my heart?  Can one’s heart really lay truly in many places?

It really takes a leap of faith.  I am wondering if I have the strength to do it.  Religious life is a seemingly radical thing.  It is just as big as a decision as it is to be married.  In either, you are committing to a whole lifetime.  What is it about religious life that I am getting so afraid.  As I mention all the time, I smile when I think about it or talk about or even type about it here.  So what holds me back?  Entering formation is not something that is permanent.  I would get a chance to further learn if this is where God really wants me.  So why not take it?

It is amazing how over four years later, a song and bible verse seem to be fitting to what I really need to do now in the present moment.  I need to dive in with all my heart to seek God and take a leap of faith.  Will you do the same in your life?