Permission to Pray

As my companion was cleaning up the final things after her sessions in the chapel for confession for good news for camp, three girls who are taking summer classes came in.  The asked…

Can we, like, pray?

The answer was a simple yes.  They then, in the back, knelt down and prayed.

For some reason it took me a little by surprise.  These were not troublemakers, but nor did they seem to be the ones to just walk in a pray.  It made me smile that they would take some of the spare time they had and come into the chapel.  Maybe there is more hope in the youth of today than people tend to give them credit for.  This is why I work for youth.

Permission to pray, do we really need to ask for it?  Perhaps it is the fear of what others will think or maybe something else.  Everything we do should be prayer, so then do we need to ask for permission to move, to breath, to do anything at all, or even to just stay still doing nothing? 

Of course we can pray, just make everything a prayer in the heart.  Of course we can pray, God is waiting to hear from you.

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Why are you Smiling?

Having arrived back to New Jersey, I find that I am overwhelmed with so many things.  Yet in my appearance, not many would even know so.  Maybe this could be due to the way I am dealing with those things that do overwhelm me in some way, shape, or form.  I am certainly most excited to be back here, there is no doubt about that.  One of the girls asked me today, ” why are you smiling all the time?”  Of course I responded with, “Why not?”  It was not enough of an answer and I knew it, but I wanted to see what she would come up with next for me.  “But really?”  To that I did respond, “Because I am where I am supposed to be and I am happy.”  It rolled right off my tonge and it felt good to say that. 

That statement is such a relief in many ways, even though I am not sure how long before I will need another relief.  Many things are sitting in me.  There is tension, worry, fear, frustration.  The thing to remember and work on is handing it all over.  I may not see eye to eye with those I live with.  I may be fighting a losing battle trying to make amends.  I may do things in a different way and not always be understood.  I may have a lot of other things like that in my life as well, but who is to say that I should let it get in my way.  I see a lot of walls, hurdles, fences, pools, trees, wild animals, and so much more in my path that I travel.  That cannot stop me from what I am striving to do, which is whatever God has willed for me in this life on earth.  Yes, I am scared out of my mind sometimes and so very unsure when something gets in my way.  What is key is placing it before the Father, the Son, the Spirit, Mary, and all the saints to whom I may implore.

I thought this year was tough, but next year may be just as tough for me.  Formation is not supposed to be easy, it challenges a person and pushes them to fulfill something greater in them.  The feeling of that greatness is in me, I can feel it.  Getting there is so hard and there are many doubts along the way.  Is this the right path?  If so, why all these unneeded difficulties?  I am here to discern through God’s will for me.  Friends are good to make along the way, but sisters are what we really gain.  This is a lesson I have learned a lot this past year.  Friendships that blossom and friendships that fade away.  Sisters though, are there no matter what.  Whether they are the best friends of sisters or the ones that never talk, they are sisters and they are there just the same.  Have I learned more?  Yes, sure I have.  Do I see myself very different from the rest?  Yes, of course so.  This is tough, this life is not easy but it is joyful.  By golly, it makes me smile all the time even amidst the struggles.

So yes, I am excited to be back.  It is not without its pains and fear, frustrations and trials.  Even so, you will find that I am often joyful at this call though it all.  You can’t hesitate at what you know is God’s will for you, even if you don’t think you can handle it.

So why then, in the end of it all, am I smiling all the time like an idiot?  God must have me right where He wants me in life and I am enjoying as much of it as I can!

Mary, help me.  Father, protect me.  Jesus, transform me.  Spirit, move me.

 

Not Afraid Anymore

While waiting for Nicole to pick me up so we can hang out for the afternoon, I turned the television station to one that plays contemporary christian music.  One song had just ended and the next one began to play.

I said I belonged to you
But in a secret room
I kept a secret list
I said anything for you
Anything but this
Anything but this
You knew it all along
You knew it very well
You knew the sturdy walls I hid behind were nothing but a prison cell

(chorus)
I am not afraid any more
You have opened all the windows
Opened all the doors
I am not afraid any more
I fell the wind of freedom like I never did before
But I have spent the hours dancing on the floor
I am not afraid any more

 You have always been the same
I ran away from you
I ran away from you
Every time you called my name
I tried to hide the truth
I tried to hide the truth
You knew it all along
You knew it very well
You knew the more I covered up my heart
The more I didn’t know myself

(chorus)

No room for fear
No room
No room
No room for fear
perfect love is living here

(chorus)
(fade out)

 This song immediately as it started to play, sounded familiar.  I look at the screen then laughed a little.  I was told a while back that I needed to listen to this song by Marianne, one of my companions.  Right when the song started playing, I was getting lost in my head with all the fears.  God is very funny!  When I got to the car when my friend showed up, I was smiling and laughing about the song. 🙂

Really though, when I think about it a little more, I realize that I have to let go of some of those fears that I have.  If I do that, then I can be more open to the ways that God is working in my life, whether in the form of Father, Son, or Holy Spirit.  So much of this song at some point in my life has been true.  I really need to take the inspiration of the song in my heart.  God, help me not be afraid!

 

Do Not Be Afraid, Let Go!

Have you ever let go?  You know, drop all the chains that bind you.  Is there a moment that you light a candle before the Lord and lay down all you are?  Oh, the joy of the release amidst the tears.  How beautiful the intimacy of the love of the Lord.  Do you know what it is like to be the true you?  No, not just deep inside.  Do you do it, do you know how it feels?  To be your true self, created be the Lord, shown on the outside.  So do you let go, fully?  Are you able to drop those chains in the darkness and find the Lord’s light?  Oh the joy it would bring!  Such a fire would burn inside of you that all would see the Lord’s love glowing from you.

Are you afraid?  Do you fear something?  What is holding you back?  Take your light to the Lord.  Prayer for loving protection.  With the Lord’s loving protection, what could go wrong?  Do not be afraid?  You can let go.  Drop the chains that bind you.  Run from the darkness and light your fire.  Did you know that someone is waiting to receive the Lord’s love and protection from you?  Be your true self designed by the Lord.  Do not be afraid of who you are.  No one else is qualified.  What are you waiting for?

 

Fear and Trust

In my last post, I forgot one distinctly thought-provoking quote from the book I have been reading that really stuck out to me, so here it is.

Fear is useless; what is needed is trust.

Sound familiar at all?  Well, to all of those in formation together or someone who has heard from me already, it is very similar to the moto us aspirants came up with.  “Trust don’t overthink!”  Back to the quote at hand though.  We are a people who lives in constant fear.  Though it may not be shown outwardly, all live in internally.  What is fear but an entrance into ourselves for Satan?  Living in fear has gotten people no where but in a state of unsurity which can drive them to dark places.  That is not what God wants of us!  Fear takes us far from the ultimate goal in heaven, via Jesus Christ who died for us. 

So if fear is useless to us, then what is to replace that fear we constantly live in?  We need to trust.  With trust we can do so much more.  Trusting in God shows Him that we believe He knows what He is doing.  Trust means we will give ourselves over to God’s will for us in life.  What better place to be than in His loving arms through all of life so that we may join His son, Jesus Christ, in heaven.  Yes, trust is hard to accomplish, but it is so important.  Just trust in God and He will provide.

 

The Words I Would Say: A Way to Live Life

“The Words I Would Say” by Sidewalk Prophets

There are many theme songs in my life, but I would say that this one has been on the more recent end of my favorites.  This past year while serving at Mary’s House this song had been ringing in my mind in a special way.  It was on the radio often and we had used it for one or two retreats in the year.  Given the things I have gone through in my own life, as well as the stuff in my life currently, it is such an appropriate song.  There are also some friends that I would dedicate this song to as well!  This past weekend on RB TEC 231, this was the theme song for the weekend.  When I found out, I nearly cried because of how God works in life.  This song which meant so much to me, was now a part of this weekend.  You never know where little signs and God experiences will pop up.

Be strong in the Lord and never give up hope.  Ho much easier our lives would be if we would only do just as that.  The Lord is always there.  Sometimes we may not get answers to the prayers, but don’t lose hope because He works in unique ways in His time.  You are going to do great things, I already know.  How do I know?  God has so many things planned for all of us if we keep that hope in Him and go where our hearts are guided.  God’s got His hand on you so don’t life life in fear.  Fear draws us away from that which we are called to.  Yes, it is hard to know God’s hand is in your life sometimes, but we have to stay open.  Forgive and forget, but don’t forget why you’re here.  Never forget why you are here, God put you here.  Take your time and pray.  Even though you may not hear back from the big man Himself, pray pray pray.  Things will happen, believe me, I know.  God met me in the bathroom of all places.  We must remember we are beautiful, we are wonderful, we are loved beyond comparison.  These are the words I would say.

 

Be Strong

She is the one who always has to be be strong

No matter what is going on in any aspect of life

She is expected to constantly be on top of her game

There can be no mistakes and it must be done right

She can not show being unsure in answering

But must be ready to jump on command when called

She has to know just what to do and nothing else

If not that then she must not know anything at all

She is the listening ear that people can come to

Where is her chance to just talk everything away

She is not allowed by herself to be fearful and afraid

 Signs of weakness do not go over well in life

She does not even know who she is many times

Even when it stares her in the face waiting

—

She is tired of always having to be so strong

In whatever form of what may be presented to her

Tired of having to know what is going on at all times

Tired of being the one sent here and there everywhere

Tired of feeling right in place when things linger

Tired of not knowing where she is at right now

Tired of being so unsure of where the future lies

With all these things she needs to remain strong

But she is tired of being strong so what is she to do

Friends are far away with her left to cope alone

—

Why must she be strong in the midst of it all

When can she fall to the ground without strength

Where will she be if she keeps on being strong

Who will catch her if the strength fades away

What will come of her who can only be strong