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A Past is Present

09 Mar

It is amazing the power that things have to really get you thinking.  What comes to mind is a retreat experience once had the beginning of my freshman year in college.  TEC gave me  a lot to think about.  The community I was entering (little did I know how it would grow) was wonderful.  Although now I have found another TEC center that I love more, HV 55 (Hiawatha Valley TEC) was the seed of the thing that would land high up on my passions list (not that I keep a list).  The song and verse from my TEC were awesome to be then, but now I as I look at them, there is a new connection I can make.

First, I give you the theme song of my TEC retreat.  It is catchy and I have always loved it.  Enjoy!

The long awaited rains
Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
And carved their way to where
The wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rains
I have been carried here to where the river flows yeah
My heart is racing and my knees are weak
As I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back
Once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice
That’s telling me it’s time to take the leap of faith
So here I go

I’m diving in I’m going deep in over my head I want to be
Caught in the rush lost in the flow in over my head I want to go
The river’s deep the river’s wide the river’s water is alive
So sink or swim I’m diving in

There is a supernatural power
In this mighty river’s flow
It can bring the dead to life
And it can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing
Worth living and worth dying for yeah
But we will never know the awesome power
Of the grace of god
Until we let ourselves get swept away
Into this holy flood
So if you’ll take my hand
We’ll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let’s go

Next, I give to  you the bible verse for my TEC.  Previously, I have given this verse as the basis of a poem I wrote.  You can go here to see it if you wish.

Jeremiah 29:13 “When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.”

I have been doing a lot of pondering about religious life and how much I really want to try this out.  It has been made clear I am definitely afraid.  The other thing on my mind are all the things I do want to lose that are a part of who I am.  I may be over worrying about things, but I also don’t know what I can and can not do if I become a sister some years down the line.  Along with that, I am just basically generally wondering if I am able to handle what God seems to be calling me to.

Take a look at the lyrics from the song.  I need to take a leap of faith.  If I do not let the waters go over my head, I am not fully putting myself in fully to test out what God may be giving to me.  As well, “we will never know the grace of God, until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood.”  We can not know all He has to give unless we put everything that we are into getting caught in His plan.

Linking right in there is the bible verse.  Seeking Him with all my heart is the only way that I will find Him and receive the grace that is meant for me.  Where does my heart lay?  It lays so many places, but above all I try to lay it at the feet of Jesus.  If this true that I do this, than why does everything else that is a part of me in such good ways feel like it would conflict part of what God may want me to do?  This particular bible verse is something I pray every time I go into private prayer since my TEC retreat.  So, where am I putting my heart?  Can one’s heart really lay truly in many places?

It really takes a leap of faith.  I am wondering if I have the strength to do it.  Religious life is a seemingly radical thing.  It is just as big as a decision as it is to be married.  In either, you are committing to a whole lifetime.  What is it about religious life that I am getting so afraid.  As I mention all the time, I smile when I think about it or talk about or even type about it here.  So what holds me back?  Entering formation is not something that is permanent.  I would get a chance to further learn if this is where God really wants me.  So why not take it?

It is amazing how over four years later, a song and bible verse seem to be fitting to what I really need to do now in the present moment.  I need to dive in with all my heart to seek God and take a leap of faith.  Will you do the same in your life?

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