Here is a video that I think all of you should see! It puts such hope and yearning in one’s soul, among other things as well!
Tag Archives: joy
Soul of Dark and Light
Boom! Bang!
lost, afraid, running
which way to go, where to turn?
darkness, cold, not a single star
it is empty, completely empty
how did I get here?
someone get me out!
wait, a light over there
where did it come from?
bright, oh so very bright
it is warm too
closer, not feel so lost
what? follow you?
you want me to give up my life?
No Way! light, darkness
alone again, scared again
no, not doing it
who is that there, more light
happiness again, even joy
follow me it says. why?
I gave my life, give yours
NO Way! light, darkness
it is so cold. chill.
lost, afraid, falling
whoosh —– light fast moving
inspiring goodness blowing
just follow and let go
let go of your life and follow
NO WAY! gone light
all darkness, cold
oh it is so cold, lonely
crash, pain, dark
come back! overcoming dark
swallowing me whole
Come Back! lead me
take me with. faded dark
light, warmth, joy
outstretched hand, whoosh —–
Why are you Smiling?
Having arrived back to New Jersey, I find that I am overwhelmed with so many things. Yet in my appearance, not many would even know so. Maybe this could be due to the way I am dealing with those things that do overwhelm me in some way, shape, or form. I am certainly most excited to be back here, there is no doubt about that. One of the girls asked me today, ” why are you smiling all the time?” Of course I responded with, “Why not?” It was not enough of an answer and I knew it, but I wanted to see what she would come up with next for me. “But really?” To that I did respond, “Because I am where I am supposed to be and I am happy.” It rolled right off my tonge and it felt good to say that.
That statement is such a relief in many ways, even though I am not sure how long before I will need another relief. Many things are sitting in me. There is tension, worry, fear, frustration. The thing to remember and work on is handing it all over. I may not see eye to eye with those I live with. I may be fighting a losing battle trying to make amends. I may do things in a different way and not always be understood. I may have a lot of other things like that in my life as well, but who is to say that I should let it get in my way. I see a lot of walls, hurdles, fences, pools, trees, wild animals, and so much more in my path that I travel. That cannot stop me from what I am striving to do, which is whatever God has willed for me in this life on earth. Yes, I am scared out of my mind sometimes and so very unsure when something gets in my way. What is key is placing it before the Father, the Son, the Spirit, Mary, and all the saints to whom I may implore.
I thought this year was tough, but next year may be just as tough for me. Formation is not supposed to be easy, it challenges a person and pushes them to fulfill something greater in them. The feeling of that greatness is in me, I can feel it. Getting there is so hard and there are many doubts along the way. Is this the right path? If so, why all these unneeded difficulties? I am here to discern through God’s will for me. Friends are good to make along the way, but sisters are what we really gain. This is a lesson I have learned a lot this past year. Friendships that blossom and friendships that fade away. Sisters though, are there no matter what. Whether they are the best friends of sisters or the ones that never talk, they are sisters and they are there just the same. Have I learned more? Yes, sure I have. Do I see myself very different from the rest? Yes, of course so. This is tough, this life is not easy but it is joyful. By golly, it makes me smile all the time even amidst the struggles.
So yes, I am excited to be back. It is not without its pains and fear, frustrations and trials. Even so, you will find that I am often joyful at this call though it all. You can’t hesitate at what you know is God’s will for you, even if you don’t think you can handle it.
So why then, in the end of it all, am I smiling all the time like an idiot? God must have me right where He wants me in life and I am enjoying as much of it as I can!
Mary, help me. Father, protect me. Jesus, transform me. Spirit, move me.
Ask and Receive
This morning when I got up to go to mass, there was not a soul up in the house other than me. Maybe if I had showered right away in the morning, someone would have awoken before I left. It was interesting, the silence. I kind of liked it, as if I was in a house living on my own being able to move about as I pleased. It some respects it reminds me of being back at the convent. The difference there is you can hear the water running and people walking, but no one talks to each other unless it is really needed.
I was especially struck by the gospel reading today. We did not actually do the prescribed reading and psalm for today, as the lectionary was not set correctly. Father Tony did switch it when he got up to read the gospel. In the “Word Among Us” there is a mediation based on one of the readings/psalms of the day for each day. Today’s focused on the gospel. The gospel reading is John 16:23b-28.
Jesus said to his disciples:
“Amen, amen, I say to you,
whatever you ask the Father in my name he will give you.
Until now you have not asked anything in my name;
ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.“I have told you this in figures of speech.
The hour is coming when I will no longer speak to you in figures
but I will tell you clearly about the Father.
On that day you will ask in my name,
and I do not tell you that I will ask the Father for you.
For the Father himself loves you, because you have loved me
and have come to believe that I came from God.
I came from the Father and have come into the world.
Now I am leaving the world and going back to the Father.”
The line that struck me was this: “ask and you will receive, so that your joy may be complete.” I have always wondered about that line. So many times people do ask, but say they never received what they asked for. I would perhaps challenge them, and even myself, to think about why they are asking and what they are asking for. Maybe God did give them something in response. Then, though, I would ever go for something else.
At first glance it would seem that from that line, we would assume that we would get what ever we asked for and wanted. This stemming from being told we will receive. I feel that perhaps there is something implied that comes something missing that is not said in that line. Try this: ask and you will receive as the Father knows best, so that your joy may be complete. It could be some variation on that too, of course. So maybe we do not receive as we thought we would, but in the end if it is what brings us the greater joy then what more of a response do we want? Is it instant gratification that we look for? This is only good in the short-term perhaps. So, when you are not sure about having received something you asked for, think about the ways it could have come to you that may bring you joy in the future.
Think About This
Just because there is pain and hurt, doesn’t mean one is not truly happy.
Even the rain can bring joy, not only the sun.
You will know when someone really cares, more than general caring.
Don’t try to understand everything, it never happens.
Some carry crosses that are much different from the others.
Everything is for God; Father, Son, and Holy Spirit; even the darkness we must give.
Small Current Thoughts
Indeed, it has been a long time since I have posted in comparison to what I have been doing. My one creative writing a day has stopped happening. Even so, I am still writing and have another one I will post in the very near future. Life has been interesting and causing me to look deeper into myself than one would ever want to do. Some of my writings capture the essence of what is in me, but never to its full effect. At times I am hesitant to post, for it may only give a small glimpse of me in that moment. I fear that the reader will misconstrue that little bit of me to be the whole of me. As many of you who do follow this blog most likely have caught within my writings, there is something that hurts that lives in me. Do not be alarmed, for with that is something of greatest possession over me. That is, the love God has for me and the peace He has given me with the path having led to formation for religious life. No, I don’t know what will happen next. God could keep me here or He could send me on another path.
These are just a few of the things I want to share with my readers. I am forever grateful that people read my blog and can be touched in a unique way here. Do not be afraid to comment, even if only to put a smiley face. It is good to know I am connected with people from all over. Happy blogging, God Bless, and may peace be in your lives.
Trust and Turn
Who do I trust
Where do I turn
It is complicated
Somehow simple
The heart full
It says so much
Same sounding
These become
Talking of this
My life on earth
So multilayered
Joy with the FMA
Past struggles
Both coexist now
So then what
Find the right one
Someone nearby
To listen to me
That I can trust
My Retreat Taken Away and a Song Recieved
Today brought the emotion of two very different sorts. One that leaves me a bit confused, hurt, lost, and frustrated. The other bringing me such joy. Here goes the stories.
The best way of me taking a step back (other than going to Jesus) has been taken away from what I am understanding. I understand the reasons I am being given, but all the same the alternates that were mentioned were just as hazardous as what I do already. Do I inquire the thoughts of another, or is that overstepping by bounds? I was told by someone who has a say that I should do what I need in order to be reflective and sane, namely what I am doing. Now, are there more limits than I thought to this?
A really dear friend of mine has taken a set of poems that I wrote during shared meditation into a song. It is a conversation between me and the Lord. As I was listening to it, I started to cry in the best way possible. She could have not picked something better for timing. The last line that was added/altered from another was perfect. God is wonderful the people He puts in our life. Thank you my friend for the song!
I just got a hug…I needed that. Thank you to the one who just hugged me (although you may never read this)!
Oh Christ, I Adore You
These lyrics were inspired from a night of adoration and worship. Please enjoy!
I lay all that I am
At your feet in adoration
Only because of you
I have something to live for
Oh Christ, I adore you
Christ, you alone understand
The makings of my entire being
As I gaze upon you tonight
Fill me with all the grace I need
My inner being dances for joy
I lay all that I am
At your feet in adoration
Only because of you
I have something to live for
Oh Christ, I adore you
Christ, I could never express
All the gratitude I have for you
So with you in your presence
I give myself to your own will
Lead me to share the joy with all
So everything I am becomes yours
I lay all that I am
At your feet in adoration
Only because of you
I have something to live for
Oh Christ, I adore you
Patience My Beloved
During class this morning (yes I was paying attention) I started to be inspired to write again. This is what came of that random inspiration to write. It is almost like a call and response, being able to be sung as a psalm possibly. I had an idea for the melody, but I must recall it again. I see the refrain as God (in whatever form of the Trinity) speaking to us and the verses our call to Him in the moments of this life. For me it relates more so my current place in life, formation with the Salesian Sisters.
Be patient my child, I am with you
For you are my beloved
—
Oh Lord I’m being tempted
My mind is full of chaos
Will I ever find calm
—
Be patient my child, I am with you
For you are my beloved
—
My heart pulls every direction
The evil one creeping in
Can I still keep him out
—
Be patient my child, I am with you
For you are my beloved
—
There is pain in my past
Following like a shadow
Does peace ever come
—
Be patient my child, I am with you
For you are my beloved
—
I am here to be with you
There is a great love in my heart
When can it be released
—
Be patient my child, I am with you
For you are my beloved
