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Be Mine

This may have nothing to do with the rest of the post, or it may, but I want to share this first.  I got to spend some time with an amazing sister here at the convent.  I was able to share only a small handful of the writings that I have been inspired to write.  She provide some really good insight and observations that she found in my writing.  It was really good to hear and much-needed.

Last night we got to go to Catholic Underground in LA.  It is not huge like it is in New York, but either way, we got to go.  While there in adoration, these words came to my heart then to my pencil and paper. 

—–

My friend, my brother, dear Jesus;

Is that you in my head?

Father, could you be calling;

That noise in my heart?

Spirit are you the breeze,

That wind that moves me?

Mother Mary, maybe it’s you,

The one that I hear inside.

One or all, why this call?

It penetrates me tonight;

Be mine, I hear, be mine!

How am I to do that,

This weak stumbling tired soul,

Unable to truly be myself.

Brother, how do I become like you?

Be mine you say over and over.

Father, What am I to do here?

Be mine you say over and over.

Spirit, how will I feel your presence?

Be mine you say over and over.

Mother, how can I trust them all?

Be mine you say over and over.

If that is all it takes,

Why is it so very hard?

Yet still the refrain repeats.

Be mine, dear sister, be mine.

Be mine, dear child, be mine.

Be mine, dear soul, be mine.

Be mine, dear daughter, be mine.

Be mine, I am yours.

—–

Thank you for reading.  Remember where they came from and leave them here please.  I would appreciate it very much.

 
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Posted by on September 18, 2011 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection

 

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Moving Jesus

When the sisters brought over Jesus back to the formation house once they arrived, they brought the wrong one.  Of course, we did not know that until tonight when we went to go do adoration and had to be a little creative in how we stood Him up to be seen.  It was good; my theory is He wanted to be closer to us because we are friends (He ended up sitting closer based on where He should have been to where He ended up).  To fix the problem of which house was to have which Jesus, a companion of mine from the west and I moved Jesus around.

I carried the candle and took the lead.  It was like guiding a friend through the darkness back home to where they belong.  Going out of the formation house, there was various forms of acknowledgement that Jesus was passing by.  When we got in the convent and made it to walking through the living room (chapel on other end of house than the back door we come in from our house), only a couple of the some sisters realized what we were doing.  You could hear one asking and another say that we were switching Jesus.  The other that knew stayed in the chapel during the switch.  On the way back out, now carrying the other Jesus.  As we walked back out the house, moving through the living room, the sisters turned the television down and said “goodnight Jesus!” 

There was something about those little moments that hit me as we were moving and switching Jesus.  The reference was good, but it was more than that.  It felt more relaxed.  I am definitely in agreement that we should show the greatest respect for Jesus, but we can be ourselves, be His friend, as well.

That being said, I led adoration tonight and had the theme of friendship.  I thought, even though it could have been better put together, that it was appropriate for the group at the beginning of this year for our first adoration together.   

Viva Gesu, Viva Maria!

 
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Posted by on August 27, 2011 in Inner Reflection

 

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Blessed with Adoration

Since coming home, I have been making sure that I don’t sleep in too much and rather go to mass in morning.  Usually at the parish, they have adoration on the first Thursday of the month.  I was kind of sad and disappointed when after mass, it did not go into adoration.  In having talked to a friend of mine online, she had mentioned that I should find somewhere to go to adoration more often while at home.  It was said in light of my needing to sort out some things going on currently.  It made sense to me, so I figured I would stay after mass yesterday for adoration.  I had to leave believing there must be a reason and I had to trust. 

Today I got a pleasant surprise.  Being the first Friday, they had decided to do adoration today.  It was such a relief to me to be able to be in the presence of Jesus in this form.  While I did not stay overly long, the little bit there was good.  There was also another priest at mass today.  I love when there is more than one priest celebrating the mass together.  I am not sure what it is, but it is good.

We started adoration with the Litany to the Sacred Heart.  Three lines stood out to me the most. This is the order that they come in when reading the litany, but I found them sticking out to me in reverse order.  Why they stick out to me, I am still thinking about that. 

Heart of Jesus, full of goodness and love.

Heart of Jesus, patient and most merciful.

Heart of Jesus, our peace and reconciliation.

When we finished the litany, I prayed the morning prayer as we do with the Sisters in community.  I must say though, it is weird to being praying it on my own.  As I was doing that though, I reminded myself that in the heart of Jesus, I am with the others praying it as well. 

As I sat in adoration, I started writing down my thoughts I was sharing with Jesus.  I told Him my struggles and the questions in my heart and mind that I am trying to figure out.  I thanked Him and let Him know where I am at in my life.  Jesus responded in my heart.  I heard Him call me His little sister and tell me that He can not give all the end answers.  He said he would walk with me and guide me along the little steps that bring me to the bigger answers.  I am supposed to be patient and trust in Him, to be at peace and not give up. 

Of course I wanted to respond.  I told Jesus that it is not as easily done and said.  For me, being home provides an inner challenge to the heart.  I did not tell Jesus this next part in my writing but I am sure He knows, when you are living in the faith community things are much easier.  I asked Jesus if I was missing something.  Again He replied, calling me His little sister.  I was told in my heart to be patient.  It came up that I am a person of great awareness and that I will see what I need.  He wanted us to then just pray together.  Jesus told me that He loves me.  I told Him that I love Him too. 

Many people may be not sure of what to say about this type of conversation.  I write what I feel in my heart.  To me, it was reassuring and good.  For the rest of the time that I stayed, I just gazed at Jesus looking for peace and wisdom.  I prayed for healing for me and for others I am close to.  It was good to be there, with Jesus, knowing I have the best support in life. 

With that, I again thank my friends and Salesian community for everything they have done for me.  You were put in my heart today during adoration for whatever reason God intended, so I am grateful. 

Take time to be at peace today.  Jesus knows your heart.

 
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Posted by on June 3, 2011 in Inner Reflection

 

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Church Hopping

I know that I am traveling a little ways back, but life has finally granted me a moment to catch up with everything I wanted to blog about, at least some of it.  So, here is some of that I wanted to share.  Some of it is taken directly from my journal, some is written now reflecting back.  I do apologize for the longer than normal post, please still read it!

To start off Holy Thursday festivities, the school had a prayer service before the half day dismissal.  As a part of it, there was a dance at the end to “Footprints in the Sand,” by Leona Lewis.  We danced to the first two and a half minutes or so.  It was really good to dance again, and it was not just easy stuff.  I was with two sophomores, one of which choreographed the dance.  Dancing for God was wonderful.  While I was not even close to perfect, I did the best I could.  Here is the song.  Remember, we only went to about two and a half minutes in the dance, but the rest of the song is good too!

That evening we went down the hill to the Provincial House for the Holy Thursday services.  It was odd not being a part of the music in some way or the other.  I blame anyone.  I know there was a better chance of a [former] companion of mine was there.  Let me say though, I say with all that I had with her voice in the back of my head.  I did enjoy being surrounded by the sisters, it was a wonderful family to be with then. 

I have some quotes from the priest who presided over the mass.  They stuck out to me as her was giving the homily.  I wish I would have caught more of it on paper.

We were called not because we were ready, but because we are willing.

We know we are not perfect, but we are willing.

You know what devil, get lost.

After the service, a handful of us climbed into the seven passenger van around eight pm to start the church hopping adventure.  For those of you who don’t know the tradition (and I just learned, so my explanation is a little meh), this is what I am able to explain.  In order to stay awake with Jesus, unlike the disciples who fell asleep and did not keep watch, you travel from church to church visiting Jesus in all the chapels before He is reposed to a special place until the Easter Vigil.  We went to a total of eight stops between leaving at eight and arriving at the last just before midnight.  It was just after midnight when we got back home.  The following in italics is from my journal, written that night.

Stop 1: Oh Jesus, bring me to my knees in adoration of you.  I love you.  Here I wish to pray for Jen and all her intentions.  She is very precious to me.  Be with her.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

Stop 2: Oh Jesus, give me humility in adoration of you.  I love you.  This stop is for my parents.  Watch over them, keep them close.  Be with them.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

Stop 3: Oh Jesus, give me prudence in adoration of you.  I love you.  I pray for Renate wherever she may be.  Bring her back to you and keep her safe.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

Stop 4:  Oh Jesus, give me wisdom in adoration of you.  I love you.  Watch over Matthew, Molly, and Abby.  Help them to never stray from you and to have a stong relationship with you.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

Stop 5: Oh Jesus, grant me courage in adoration of you.  I love you.  I pray for my Marianist Family, that they are always faithful to their charism.  Keep them in my heart.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

Stop 6: Oh Jesus, bring my to understanding in adoration of you.  I love you.  Shower your love on Priyanka as she grows up.  Show her your love and care that she may follow you.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

Stop 7: Oh Jesus, help me to love fully in adoration of you.  I love you.  Protect all my close friends.  Keep them close to you.  Let them know all the good they have done, especially for me.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

Stop 8: Oh Jesus, give me patience in adoration of you.  I love you.  I pray for me grandparents.  Let them know how much they are blessings in this world.  Grant them everlasting peace.  Oh Jesus, transform me.

“silently, peacefully, we will rest in you, Lord.”

Home/Bed: Thank you Lord, for the time spent with you.  I pray that these words of mine make it up to you.  All this I do and ask for the sake of my vocation.  It is in you and your Father that I must put all my trust.  What else could there even possibly be?  Jesus allow me to sit at your table so that I continue to learn from you in the way you are with your disciples.  Keep in my heart the experience tonight.  Thank you for everything you have done in my life.

It was amazing to see Jesus in all the different churches in the area.  I am blessed to be here and I cannot wait to share this experience.  Peace.

 

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Mass to Cemetary to Adoration

Today was a day of a few good things.  For me, this was great since the last week has been a little harder.  Mass this morning was a success.  We had the little aspirant band plus a sister.  My musical fellow companion has really got me to enjoy playing at mass again.  We work real well together.  I always wonder if she knows how much I look up to her; also how much I want to make sure she is alright and like to take care of her if she needs anything.  Needless to say, mass was wonderful and she is amazing.

We had a half day silent retreat today.  What that means for us is going about the afternoon how we choose, but in silence.  I started my bit, after we all prayed the visit together, with a walk.  I wandered my way up to the cemetery, where I love to go to just be, think, ponder, reflect, and such things.  I sat on the ground at the foot of the cross part of the graves in the wall.  Leaning against the wall, it was an interesting feeling to know that the bodies of many sisters lay behind me in there, as well as in the ground in front of me on either side of the little path.  As I was journaling, this is the poem that came to me.

Past Sisters at my Side

Among past sisters I sit

Praying the best I have

For much wisdom lays here

In this holy ground forgotten

Maybe they will hear my cry

The tears shed in this place

In comfort myself let loose

To those who will to me listen

So I come here and pray

That they are with my Lord

Enjoying paradise in heaven

Laughing, talking with Jesus

I ask always for intercession

To guard and protect this soul

Throughout each and every day

For they too, have their stories

Perhaps just like my very own

That they may understand

Sitting with them here, now

I pray they see who I am

That they may help me to see

To become that special person

In their comfort I do give

All of myself to God’s will

As I leave their resting place

I pray they are at my side

It was very good to be up there in the cemetery.  When I got back down, I curled up in another aspirant’s really comfy and warm blanket until adoration.

At adoration tonight, I got to do the exposition and reposition, as I had written about yesterday when I learned how to do it.  There was something different I felt in me, even though most of me felt the same.  It was what I needed at this time and I could not have asked for better timing to be asked to do it tonight.  Thank you Jesus for giving me the chance to share you with this community.

 
 

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Short Adoration, Tall Results

I was asked by a fellow aspirant to do the exposition and reposition for adoration tomorrow.  This being because I had offered another time when it would have just been my companions and me, but we ended up going down the hill to the provincial.  So, being the sisters that I tend to live with, they wanted me to practice and do it before doing it at adoration, even though I know how adn have been studying them doing it.

Tonight, I went to the chapel where the sister sacristan made sure I knew what I was doing.  Being that I need to do the motions, we got to have our own adoration.  It may have been just 10-15 seconds, but it was one of the best adoration moments ever.  Sister was kneeling on my left side with us behind the altar, one of my companions kneeling in front while watering flowers.  It was great.

Sometimes that little moment is all you need.

 
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Posted by on January 22, 2011 in Inner Reflection

 

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Knelt Hidden in Sight

Here you are present among us

But Lord, I kneel hidden from you

Seeing the altar you show yourself on

I feel the need to gaze at your home

To see you face to face is great, yes

In adoration feeling your love surround

Then I look out at your people praying

There I can see you present as well

Tonight it is enough for this poor soul

To be with you and not in your view

For you I must also gaze upon you

With your beloved children everywhere

Here you are present among us

But Lord, I kneel hidden from you

Seeing the altar you show yourself on

I feel the need to gaze at your home

To see you face to face is great, yes

In adoration feeling your love surround

Then I look out at your people praying

There I can see you present as well

Tonight it is enough for this poor soul

To be with you and not in your view

For you I must also gaze upon you

With your beloved children everywhere

 
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Posted by on November 18, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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