Tag Archives: desire


As time has gone on, I have taken more time with my writings before posting them.  A lot of myself goes into everything I write, at least in terms of poems and reflections and such.  With that being as it is, I have told myself I need to sit with each things I write for a while and pray with it, especially so before I post it for all to see.  That being said, I am now sharing a poem I wrote while meditating before going to the midnight Christmas mass (at 11pm…perhaps the closest I have gotten, but hey, consecration was at midnight).  It is entitled “Hope” and as I said, it is written by yours truly.  I find it more as a prayer than a reflection, or perhaps it is both, and maybe even more.  Thank you for your honest reading and sharing in my journey. 


My hope is in you my God

Whose guiding strong hand

Whose living walking presence

Whose flowing steady breath

Leads me where I must go

My hope is in you my God

For you have stayed with me

You have reached me many times

In many ways, all three forms

My God you hold me close

Your embrace is tight, warm

It catches me when I fall

My tears are precious to you

The movement I make is yours

My hope is in you my God

Where else is there to turn

God, you do great things for me

My thanks goes on forever

I must always reach for you

My hope is in you my God

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Posted by on January 12, 2012 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection


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Musical Prayer

I love when the random times of prayer pop up in your life.  I know that everything we should do is a prayer, but I mean the one inspired that you write down and can sit with.  The other night I went to the small chapel to play guitar.  It was not possible to play in the aspirant room, so I went for something close and peaceful.  While playing through the songs, I stopped randomly to write down the prayer thoughts in my mind.  May after or as you read this prayer of mine, you may be able to pick out the songs.  One of them is tricky, you have to really know about something to know what one of the songs are.  Anyways, this was the prayer that came from the songs that I was playing.

Lord, please give me your eyes, your love, your arms, your heart.  I don’t want to miss anything and you know everything there is to know.  Blessed be your name, you who knows the most shining moments of my life as well as the sufferings that must be endured.  You give and take away, and I will bless you still.  In those sufferings and the times I fall away, I ask to be purified.  Not just purification in the body, but in the heart deep within.  My only desire is for you, Lord.  I want to be holy and thus I pray and want to give all to you so that I may be purified.  You my strength when I am weak and discouraged.  You are the precious jewel that will help me take my sin, my shame, all of my cross and rise up giving it all to you who is my all.  You are always by my side with your hand holding me even in those times I struggle.  You love me so much that I can even run to you in the dead of the night it I am falling or just need to call on you.  The holiness that you are reigns forever.  I can call on you in so many ways, and you are worthy of them all.  Oh Lord, Prince of Peace, I want to live my life for you.  I need your saving grace because as I have said before, I struggle.  I am completely lost without you, so take my joy and fear.  I pray every day and every night.  Please guide my way with your love from heaven.  I will never stop doing your work as long as you keep me from getting lost.  I need you, transform and protect me.  Thank you, Lord.  Amen.

It seems like a powerful prayer as I now read it after having written it.  Inspired, for sure it was as I did not think too much about it when writing it down.  I hope it strikes a good chord with you too.  Don’t forget, can you name all the songs in order through the whole prayer?

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Posted by on July 6, 2011 in Inner Reflection


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T’was The Night Before Lent

T’was the night before Lent

All my strength hath been spent

Then came along this one desire

Do something else to light the fire

It is not but another Lenten year

And life still holds much fear

Who can say when I will go

How much knowledge I will know

This I hear ringing in my head

With Jesus I am to be fed

But then the clatter once again

My life is not something to bargain

So this night before Lent does start

What is my sacrifice from the heart

Pray I must now to heaven above

So I can show greater love

As I sit here tonight, which the complete intention of doing my homework, I can not help but let my mind drift off to thinking of what I am doing for Lent.  Yes, I always hold off to the last moment.  Sure, I am giving up all sweets on account of that is what we do here in the house.  There are so many things that one could do for Lent, but I want to do something that means a little more than giving up food or Facebook or such things.  I want to do more than adding just another rope prayer into my day.  The prayer and hope I have is that when meditation comes around, God will inspire me to what shall be for me this Lent.

Have you thought seriously enough about what God is calling you to do this Lent or have just picked something because it is challenging/easy or what everyone else is doing?

Who is Jesus to you and what is He worth in your life?


Posted by on March 8, 2011 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection


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How You Love Me

This past Thursday, there was XLT with the high school students.  It is adoration starting off with a witness talk, then adoration and music, followed by a social.  During the adoration, I was inspired and wrote the following prayer and poem.

Lord, hold me in your hands.  I give all of myself to you and your will.  Times will be hard, Lord this I know.  Please guide me  to the ultimate expression of love that I can share.  You are my salvation.  I abandon myself to you, help me stay strong.  Amen

Oh Lord, how you love me

A love that is deeper than the sea

You know all of my heart and soul

What fills me to the very full

The pain I caused you know

All the troubles I do sow

Yet you love me all the same

This the reason that you came

For you see something else too

The great things that I yearn to do

In my being you put a burning desire

Wanting to go set the world on fire

You to me this you did give

The passion for which I live

I stare at each broken hand

How am I to work in this land

It is your saving, love-filled grace

That brings me to this place

Where I adore you in prayer

For me, you truly fully care

Take this heart to you I present

Make it pure and unbent

Give it strength enough to suffice

And I will pay whatever the price

For you my everything to be

Oh Lord, how you love me

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Posted by on February 19, 2011 in Creative Corner


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A Rose-Filled Response

The day after my novena to Saint Therese ended, I started to write some more.  In my writing, my hand just moved across my paper.  I am still not sure what to make of what I wrote.  Initially I was just going to let it go and not post it especially since  I was not sure what to make of it.  Rather, I have decided that I will share it with you all.  If you do not know to what I referring, check out my post about a goon full of roses and you will hear all about my Saint Therese experience.

Are you now able to see

The love that comes from me

You had a prayer in your heart

Form me you wish not to part

So to Therese you did pray

A novena that here you will stay

Clarity to be sure you heard right

That all is worth the fight

So my beloved, I had her send

A shower of roses with no end

Those nine days you gave in devotion

I know leaves still much emotion

But I hope you understand

It all came from my own hand

You are filled with fear

To you it is not all clear

I also see deep within you

Something I have desired you do

This yearning you feel in the soul

For what will make you full

It is as you feel, blessedly great

Patience you will need in the wait

This will not be a breeze

Sometimes you will surely freeze

Do not let yourself be defeated

Even when Satan attacks so heated

Remember the signs I have given

Strive for eternity in heaven

Over you I am always watching

Loving you my child, I am rejoicing

Take from it what you will.  It is a reminder of me to just trust everything is going to turn out how it should turn out.  Take this for what you will and thanks for reading.

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Posted by on October 22, 2010 in Creative Corner


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The Depths of the Heart

Today is another day.  I walk from place to place looking around at my surroundings and all that fills the space of this place.  How did I land where I am in life?  What is it out there that is calling me deep in my heart and soul?  Life has always just happened kind in a flow with out much need for thought, although I have always given it more thought that anyone ever could.  Going to Saint Mary’s feel upon me in peer conversation of the decision.  Heading to work with the Marianist was a discovering of Google searching.  Desiring to explore the Salesians started with a meeting in a bathroom.  Everything seems to fall into line with I need more rope to walk across the desert on.

As I laid in my bed last night listening to my Christian music, something was pulling at me inside.  It was trying to go past my mind/thoughts, past the struggles I hold at home, past the frustrations that pop up around here.  It was calling me deep inside to something more.  So when I walk that place to place I try to picture life here, always.  Am I not letting the greatness happen by spending much time in pondering on it?  For my heart sang and danced for joy when the muisc played into my head.  Everything of my mind says all of this is not possible, not even faith.  Everything of my heart, soul, and being says this is it, God is there and he is watching out for me.  So what is it that I feel called to that is so much greater than this world and how can I describe it to anyone else in such a way that they could fully understand?  There are people here at the Salesians that I could surely voice this too or one of my two closest friends, no doubt there, but in what capacity?  Would I be underminding what God has in mind for me?

This part of me feel like that of which is greatly planned for me is hindered constantly by surroundings that cause me to doubt and think of myself otherwise.  I know that Satan will work through whatever means he can to get to those who are getting too close to God.  Here is a quote from a book called Unbound: A Practical Guide to Deliverance by Neal Lozano. 

[Satan] often walks through other people – those God intended to represent Him, such as parents and other caregivers.  Those with primary responsibility of presenting the character of God to the next generation are Satan’s targets and prime agents. (34)

How true that is!  Satan works in anyone that could cause you doubt, frustrations, and what have you; that could send you astray from God and what He wants for your life.  So then, it could be possible that even in the best of people, like those that I live with now, Satan can be using them to bring me to doubt the vocation that God wants me in.  Tell me so, isn’t that frustrating to be pushed out fromteh inside of what is so good and holy!?  With this in mind, the fight now becomes staying on my feet admist everything that life throws me, wherever it is from.  Then, how shall I discern what is of God and what is of Satan in what I am to do with my life.  All the same at moments in the day can be my feelings of leaving or staying, both giving me satisfaction but also both putting me in disaray. 

There is this other quote that hit me from the same book.

Lord Jesus, come and get me.  Capture my heart with Your love.  I do not have the strength of Jacob; give me the courage to ask  for the freedom and blessings that are mine in Christ.  Show me who I am and Your plan for my life, my identity and my destiny.  Bless me so that I may be a blessing to others. (29)

The part that sticks out to me in all the turmoil that is within is the first line.  “Lord Jesus, come and get me.”  I need to pray that He will come and capture my heart.  It is about all I can do.  Pray pray pray.  I ask once again, as always, that you will pray for me.  In turn, I will pray for all of you who follow and read my blog.  Peace and prayers.  Trust, don’t overthink.

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Posted by on September 4, 2010 in Inner Reflection


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Fearless: Reflections of Life

I want to share a song that was another TEC theme song, this one for HV 61.  It kind of popped up in my radar of listening to music, so I decided to share!  This is the official video for “Fearless” by Building 429.

No I don’t understand
And I can’t comprehend
This power that draws me to you
But I know for the cross
I’ll consider it all lost
In an effort to tell of the truth

That the world may know
That the world may know
You have been heaven sent to us

I’ll be fearless for You
I’ll be fearless for You
Take me I’m Yours
I’ll be fearless for You

All the times that I’ve failed
When my doubt has prevailed
These are the moments I’m giving to you
Cause I can’t be ashamed
No I can’t fear the pain
When it comes time to be living proof

So the world may see
That the captives are free
‘Cause you have been heaven sent to us


Unwilling to bend
Unwilling to break
And Headstrong I’ll stand
No matter what it takes


Fearless.  How is it that we can become fearless for God and all that He wants for us?  As I try to prepare myself for entering formation, I again am brought to think, and think lots.  Perhaps I ponder more than I should but it is how I am.  As the time draws near for me to leave, my heart pounds more and more with the desires that it holds.  That leads me to wonder if we can ever have everything that heart desires?  If we follow God and His plan for us, then won’t we have everything we need?  Deciphering what I am to do in this life I have here is a task that is difficult to complete.  In my life I have so called “failed” many times.  Be that in school, my health, or standing for who I am.  Looking back on my life, I need to be able to give those failed moments to God and pray that they leave me with but the lessons that I have learned.

So being proof to the world of God’s love for us.  How am I really supposed to be doing this in my life?  In recent one would say of me, entering formation with the Salesians Sisters in hopes of becoming one of them, a Daughter of Mary Help of Christians (FMA – the formal name/abbreviation).  When I first discovered this new found possibility, I was so ecstatic and excited more than most things I have ever felt in my life.  Religious life, living for God, ministering to the youth, the chance of doing retreats, and still staying connected to those I consider my family.  The thing is, is it what I really feel in my heart as the place I can be who I am supposed to be.  I know I am called to something greater and better but I can not tell if this is it or not.  Could this just be that I am waiting for some feeling that I want to have that tells me clear as day the path I am to choose?  Surely in my life does not give me clear answers, but rather has God meeting me in places such as the the 11th page of a Google search or the bathroom at a huge Catholic youth conference.  The consensus against many people, including myself, is that I just need to go into this and see what happens and what God tells me about this time I will be in formation, however long that is.

I can never understand what draws me to where I have been and where I go, the good and the bad.  I can only hope that the good things that God calls me too I will realize and step into with complete faith.  There are many things in my life that mean the world to me as well as are things that my life would be incomplete without.  How do I hold onto them?  I need to make sure I am balanced, unwilling to bend or break from the things that make me who I am.

So how do we go into the world demanding so much and following the one who made us?  “Do not be afraid” (Luke 1:30) of what is out there.  I need to be who I am and trust that God will show me His ways for me.  Community is a important part of me life, so I ask you all to pray for me as I pray for you (especially my TEC family and closest of friends).  With me, let’s strive to become one thing for God.  Fearless.


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My Heart’s Desires

Was it God’s plan to place my heart in a couple places

To have me feel deeply connected to all so strong

Never knowing if in all my body to place with the heart

Praying God has planned for all always in this life

After this past TEC weekend, I have been given a lot more things to think about and came across many realizations or re-realizations about myself.  My heart lays in more than one place. How can I take them all with me in my life actively?

One of which is the TEC program, especially at Riverbend TEC.  The RB TEC people are my family, a family that I cherish very much.  This retreat program has been so huge in my getting to where I am at.  It was even a part of the conversation that initially led me to go see the booth for the Salesians at NCYC.  Hearing from the vocations director, Sr. C., that she thinks is could still be a part of mlife as I go on is some comfort.  I do have to talk to the provincial about it, but at least there is some hope.  If it can not be in my life, I am not sure what I would do.  It sounds like me putting conditions on God’s plan, but it is honestly vital to my faith life, the experiences had.  I can not even being to explain the passion and love I feel when I am working a TEC retreat.

Another thing that I have felt particularly strong about is going through a retreat to have a training on being a Christian Clown.  There is a weekend that some people do that take us through how to do the make-up, selecting a name and a look (face and outfit).  This is something I have been really drawn too, but there has not been a chance for me to make a weekend yet.  I am hoping that I can do it the next time they have it!  For some reason is just intrigues me and I want so much to be a part of the community of people who do it!

I spent ten months in the most southern tip of New Jersey at a retreat center, lovingly called Mary’s House.  There is no way that I can never go back to the place!  I really hope that I get the chance to make it back a a place that has really helped to form me this past year.  It is hard, no doubt.

Then of course there is the upcoming entrance (18 Days!) into formation with the Salesians.  God was very funny in how He got me to this point, that is for sure.  I am really excited to enter, but as well very nervous.  There are the constant questions of whether or not I am making the right choice.  I really just need to go and see what happens and how I feel about being there.  It is a larger group, so we will see too how I handle that.  I do better in smaller groups, but maybe this is a lesson for me to learn.  It is not like I have never been in a larger group, but it can be uncomfortable sometimes for me.  The Salesians are wonderful from what I have seen thus far, and I get the chance to work with youth.  Hopefully as time goes on and if I stay, I will have the chance ot work in retreat work, a huge passion of mine and what I love most in life a lot of times (aside from those close friends).

My heart is many places, including with a couple of my really close friends, and I need to balance it.  Did God mean for me to have my heart in so many places?  AM I suppose to let go of somethings?  If so, what things do I let go of and what means the most to me?  I keep praying that I will be able to be involved in all of these things as they are really where I am supposed to keep my heart.

Into God’s hands I must give my heart’s desires

To be left in hope that all will actively live in me

These communities that have become my family

Ones that I pray God keeps me in for my whole life


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Article on Discernment

As I was reading a blog post from a blog that I am following an article really caught my interest.  It was written by a vowed religious sister from the order of the woman who keeps the blog.  I found it to be very interesting.  Below I have copied the article  Yes it is quoted word for word.  All of the section in italics is straight from the article and I take no credit for it.  For those who want to see the original article, you can find it here.  If you use bits and pieces of this for your own, please cite the website this article is posted on.

Discernment includes God in your decisions

Life can interrupt destroy a carefully crafted career path


Many decisions we make in our lives are made quickly. They may be highly influenced by others, based upon circumstances around us, or made without a lot of reflection. We can often let life happen.

When it comes to making important decisions in our lives, “letting life happen” can mean that the decisions may not come out of our deeper beliefs and desires.

I have often met people who say, “Did you become a sister because you couldn’t find a man?” or to a young woman who was questioning religious life, but then met a man and got married; “Looks like he came along just in time!”

These comments seem to come from the idea that circumstances caused these major decisions rather than the decisions coming from a secure place within us.

We need to look at all aspects of our life, including our relationship with God, when making important decisions. When we include God in our decision-making process, we discern.

To discern is to consider all the factors both within us and beyond us and hear what God is saying in and through them. Prayer is an important part of this process. What is God saying to us in the depths of our being? What is God revealing to us through the power of prayer?

God also speaks in our day-to-day life, through the events of our lives, our talents, inclinations and desires. Discernment includes keeping in mind the people, circumstances and environment that are part of our life. What is God saying in and through them?

Some people can experience a call, a deep conviction beyond their own desires that seems to be leading them in a particular direction. This can be a strong movement of the Spirit, as if God is knocking on our door and we need to answer.

For others, a choice may not be as clear or evident and discernment can help clarify where God may be leading us.

Discerning life decisions takes time. It often helps to share our discernment process with someone, preferably someone objective that cares but does not necessarily have something to win or lose in the process.

A spiritual director is someone who can often be that objective sounding board. Speaking our story out loud and having someone, like a spiritual director, truly listen in truth and prayer can help us hear even more deeply what God may be saying.

Many people I have met often think that discerning God’s will is discovering a will that is outside of us. God’s will is actually planted deep within us and is not in opposition to our deepest desires. We can often cover up these desires with superficial wants or satisfactions or with whatever may mask our true selves. When we discern, we are invited to take off the masks and stand honestly in front of a God that loves us infinitely.

When we have completed our discernment process, the confirmation of this decision comes with a sense of deep peace. Peace is a sign that our decision is in keeping with who we are. It is not a momentary approval of a decision but leaves us with a lasting sense of at oneness with the decision.


Life evolves and is not static. Therefore, not all that we discern may come to be. Some things can happen that are out of our control. What we have discerned may not be possible with the people in our lives or the structures or circumstances that surround us.

The person that we believe we are to marry may never come into our lives. We may be diagnosed with a terminal illness and never be able complete the law degree that we believed would enable us to help the poor and disadvantaged. The religious order we wish to join may not say yes.

Life does happen. But as God worked through us in the discernment process, God does not abandon us at this point. Rather we are invited into a deeper trust where we need to once again listen deeply to what God may be asking of us now and respond with the same integrity that led us to this place.

(Sr. Pat Desnoyers, a sister with the Faithful Companions of Jesus, is co-chair of the Edmonton Archdiocese Vocation Committee.)

This article completely struck me and I am brought to look at discernment a little differently.  The things talked about I have all heard before but having it laid out in an easy to read format is great.  As I continue to discern, as we all will our entire lives, I find that life can really take you in many different directions.  I need to figure out what God has planned for me and where I am lead to go.  Like Sr. Pat says, some things that happen are out of our control.  We can not plan everything out, even the things we feel called by the Spirit to do in Jesus’ name.  Things happen and we must take them as they are.  Discernment is an ongoing process.  I recommend you read and re-read this article.  There are many good things said in there.

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Posted by on May 19, 2010 in Inner Reflection


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Guitar in the Rain

What is it about the rain that draws us to so many emotions?  I hear the patter of rain mixed with the guitar and singing.  Putting them together, I find such a great match it my heart.  It leaves me breathless with but a million of feelings filling my soul.  The desire to do more and be more is once again, or still, living in all my being.

Breathless I am for you

Reaching to be more for you

Like the rain that falls to the earth

So too does my heart fall in your love

Time stands in my way it seems

Work with it you tell me

I can do so much with what I have

For you I will use me in all time

Why is it that when we find what we are supposed to do for the Lord, that we start to run and turn away?  It hard and many times the tears want to run through me.  Then I see the rain and know that Jesus feels what I feel, that God is there to guide me.  Even when life seems so lonely and my friends so far away, He is there to comfort me.

Dear friends of mine, so far away

My heart longs to be close to you

When missing you puts me astray

It is to the Lord that I must then go

God gave me my friends to cherish

To Him is owed many a gratitude

So with the rain on my face this I wish

That I persevere with grace-filled fortitude

There is a song in my heart that wants to cry out and be heard.  I long for understanding of what is to come in my life.  Never have I thought that pondering religious life would come my way.  I don’t know what to expect, what trials may come, or what joys that will fill me up.  All I can do it trust.  All I can do is pray.  All I can do is my very best to follow in the footsteps of Christ with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, so that what I do may be pleasing to God.

Listening to the guitar strum more chords

I sigh a breathless sigh of longing

Praying that my feet stay beneath me

Hoping that I stay on God’s track

Love and be loved one of my mottos

Live in the moment of all time

Take in all there is to take in

Never stray and if you do, come back

I close here with you filled with guitar sounds in the rain that I hear.  Find your place of reflection and just be.  This is as I must do to put myself back on track.  Times will get hard no matter the road God gives you, so persevere with the support of all those around you.  I say that giving support to those who need it from me and asking you for that same passion.  Peace to you.

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Posted by on March 13, 2010 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection


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