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Hope

As time has gone on, I have taken more time with my writings before posting them.  A lot of myself goes into everything I write, at least in terms of poems and reflections and such.  With that being as it is, I have told myself I need to sit with each things I write for a while and pray with it, especially so before I post it for all to see.  That being said, I am now sharing a poem I wrote while meditating before going to the midnight Christmas mass (at 11pm…perhaps the closest I have gotten, but hey, consecration was at midnight).  It is entitled “Hope” and as I said, it is written by yours truly.  I find it more as a prayer than a reflection, or perhaps it is both, and maybe even more.  Thank you for your honest reading and sharing in my journey. 

HOPE

My hope is in you my God

Whose guiding strong hand

Whose living walking presence

Whose flowing steady breath

Leads me where I must go

My hope is in you my God

For you have stayed with me

You have reached me many times

In many ways, all three forms

My God you hold me close

Your embrace is tight, warm

It catches me when I fall

My tears are precious to you

The movement I make is yours

My hope is in you my God

Where else is there to turn

God, you do great things for me

My thanks goes on forever

I must always reach for you

My hope is in you my God

 
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Posted by on January 12, 2012 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection

 

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Musical Prayer

I love when the random times of prayer pop up in your life.  I know that everything we should do is a prayer, but I mean the one inspired that you write down and can sit with.  The other night I went to the small chapel to play guitar.  It was not possible to play in the aspirant room, so I went for something close and peaceful.  While playing through the songs, I stopped randomly to write down the prayer thoughts in my mind.  May after or as you read this prayer of mine, you may be able to pick out the songs.  One of them is tricky, you have to really know about something to know what one of the songs are.  Anyways, this was the prayer that came from the songs that I was playing.

Lord, please give me your eyes, your love, your arms, your heart.  I don’t want to miss anything and you know everything there is to know.  Blessed be your name, you who knows the most shining moments of my life as well as the sufferings that must be endured.  You give and take away, and I will bless you still.  In those sufferings and the times I fall away, I ask to be purified.  Not just purification in the body, but in the heart deep within.  My only desire is for you, Lord.  I want to be holy and thus I pray and want to give all to you so that I may be purified.  You my strength when I am weak and discouraged.  You are the precious jewel that will help me take my sin, my shame, all of my cross and rise up giving it all to you who is my all.  You are always by my side with your hand holding me even in those times I struggle.  You love me so much that I can even run to you in the dead of the night it I am falling or just need to call on you.  The holiness that you are reigns forever.  I can call on you in so many ways, and you are worthy of them all.  Oh Lord, Prince of Peace, I want to live my life for you.  I need your saving grace because as I have said before, I struggle.  I am completely lost without you, so take my joy and fear.  I pray every day and every night.  Please guide my way with your love from heaven.  I will never stop doing your work as long as you keep me from getting lost.  I need you, transform and protect me.  Thank you, Lord.  Amen.

It seems like a powerful prayer as I now read it after having written it.  Inspired, for sure it was as I did not think too much about it when writing it down.  I hope it strikes a good chord with you too.  Don’t forget, can you name all the songs in order through the whole prayer?

 
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Posted by on July 6, 2011 in Inner Reflection

 

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T’was The Night Before Lent

T’was the night before Lent

All my strength hath been spent

Then came along this one desire

Do something else to light the fire

It is not but another Lenten year

And life still holds much fear

Who can say when I will go

How much knowledge I will know

This I hear ringing in my head

With Jesus I am to be fed

But then the clatter once again

My life is not something to bargain

So this night before Lent does start

What is my sacrifice from the heart

Pray I must now to heaven above

So I can show greater love

As I sit here tonight, which the complete intention of doing my homework, I can not help but let my mind drift off to thinking of what I am doing for Lent.  Yes, I always hold off to the last moment.  Sure, I am giving up all sweets on account of that is what we do here in the house.  There are so many things that one could do for Lent, but I want to do something that means a little more than giving up food or Facebook or such things.  I want to do more than adding just another rope prayer into my day.  The prayer and hope I have is that when meditation comes around, God will inspire me to what shall be for me this Lent.

Have you thought seriously enough about what God is calling you to do this Lent or have just picked something because it is challenging/easy or what everyone else is doing?

Who is Jesus to you and what is He worth in your life?

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2011 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection

 

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How You Love Me

This past Thursday, there was XLT with the high school students.  It is adoration starting off with a witness talk, then adoration and music, followed by a social.  During the adoration, I was inspired and wrote the following prayer and poem.

Lord, hold me in your hands.  I give all of myself to you and your will.  Times will be hard, Lord this I know.  Please guide me  to the ultimate expression of love that I can share.  You are my salvation.  I abandon myself to you, help me stay strong.  Amen

Oh Lord, how you love me

A love that is deeper than the sea

You know all of my heart and soul

What fills me to the very full

The pain I caused you know

All the troubles I do sow

Yet you love me all the same

This the reason that you came

For you see something else too

The great things that I yearn to do

In my being you put a burning desire

Wanting to go set the world on fire

You to me this you did give

The passion for which I live

I stare at each broken hand

How am I to work in this land

It is your saving, love-filled grace

That brings me to this place

Where I adore you in prayer

For me, you truly fully care

Take this heart to you I present

Make it pure and unbent

Give it strength enough to suffice

And I will pay whatever the price

For you my everything to be

Oh Lord, how you love me

 
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Posted by on February 19, 2011 in Creative Corner

 

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A Rose-Filled Response

The day after my novena to Saint Therese ended, I started to write some more.  In my writing, my hand just moved across my paper.  I am still not sure what to make of what I wrote.  Initially I was just going to let it go and not post it especially since  I was not sure what to make of it.  Rather, I have decided that I will share it with you all.  If you do not know to what I referring, check out my post about a goon full of roses and you will hear all about my Saint Therese experience.

Are you now able to see

The love that comes from me

You had a prayer in your heart

Form me you wish not to part

So to Therese you did pray

A novena that here you will stay

Clarity to be sure you heard right

That all is worth the fight

So my beloved, I had her send

A shower of roses with no end

Those nine days you gave in devotion

I know leaves still much emotion

But I hope you understand

It all came from my own hand

You are filled with fear

To you it is not all clear

I also see deep within you

Something I have desired you do

This yearning you feel in the soul

For what will make you full

It is as you feel, blessedly great

Patience you will need in the wait

This will not be a breeze

Sometimes you will surely freeze

Do not let yourself be defeated

Even when Satan attacks so heated

Remember the signs I have given

Strive for eternity in heaven

Over you I am always watching

Loving you my child, I am rejoicing

Take from it what you will.  It is a reminder of me to just trust everything is going to turn out how it should turn out.  Take this for what you will and thanks for reading.

 
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Posted by on October 22, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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The Depths of the Heart

Today is another day.  I walk from place to place looking around at my surroundings and all that fills the space of this place.  How did I land where I am in life?  What is it out there that is calling me deep in my heart and soul?  Life has always just happened kind in a flow with out much need for thought, although I have always given it more thought that anyone ever could.  Going to Saint Mary’s feel upon me in peer conversation of the decision.  Heading to work with the Marianist was a discovering of Google searching.  Desiring to explore the Salesians started with a meeting in a bathroom.  Everything seems to fall into line with I need more rope to walk across the desert on.

As I laid in my bed last night listening to my Christian music, something was pulling at me inside.  It was trying to go past my mind/thoughts, past the struggles I hold at home, past the frustrations that pop up around here.  It was calling me deep inside to something more.  So when I walk that place to place I try to picture life here, always.  Am I not letting the greatness happen by spending much time in pondering on it?  For my heart sang and danced for joy when the muisc played into my head.  Everything of my mind says all of this is not possible, not even faith.  Everything of my heart, soul, and being says this is it, God is there and he is watching out for me.  So what is it that I feel called to that is so much greater than this world and how can I describe it to anyone else in such a way that they could fully understand?  There are people here at the Salesians that I could surely voice this too or one of my two closest friends, no doubt there, but in what capacity?  Would I be underminding what God has in mind for me?

This part of me feel like that of which is greatly planned for me is hindered constantly by surroundings that cause me to doubt and think of myself otherwise.  I know that Satan will work through whatever means he can to get to those who are getting too close to God.  Here is a quote from a book called Unbound: A Practical Guide to Deliverance by Neal Lozano. 

[Satan] often walks through other people – those God intended to represent Him, such as parents and other caregivers.  Those with primary responsibility of presenting the character of God to the next generation are Satan’s targets and prime agents. (34)

How true that is!  Satan works in anyone that could cause you doubt, frustrations, and what have you; that could send you astray from God and what He wants for your life.  So then, it could be possible that even in the best of people, like those that I live with now, Satan can be using them to bring me to doubt the vocation that God wants me in.  Tell me so, isn’t that frustrating to be pushed out fromteh inside of what is so good and holy!?  With this in mind, the fight now becomes staying on my feet admist everything that life throws me, wherever it is from.  Then, how shall I discern what is of God and what is of Satan in what I am to do with my life.  All the same at moments in the day can be my feelings of leaving or staying, both giving me satisfaction but also both putting me in disaray. 

There is this other quote that hit me from the same book.

Lord Jesus, come and get me.  Capture my heart with Your love.  I do not have the strength of Jacob; give me the courage to ask  for the freedom and blessings that are mine in Christ.  Show me who I am and Your plan for my life, my identity and my destiny.  Bless me so that I may be a blessing to others. (29)

The part that sticks out to me in all the turmoil that is within is the first line.  “Lord Jesus, come and get me.”  I need to pray that He will come and capture my heart.  It is about all I can do.  Pray pray pray.  I ask once again, as always, that you will pray for me.  In turn, I will pray for all of you who follow and read my blog.  Peace and prayers.  Trust, don’t overthink.

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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Fearless: Reflections of Life

I want to share a song that was another TEC theme song, this one for HV 61.  It kind of popped up in my radar of listening to music, so I decided to share!  This is the official video for “Fearless” by Building 429.

No I don’t understand
And I can’t comprehend
This power that draws me to you
But I know for the cross
I’ll consider it all lost
In an effort to tell of the truth

That the world may know
That the world may know
You have been heaven sent to us

(Chorus)
I’ll be fearless for You
I’ll be fearless for You
Take me I’m Yours
I’ll be fearless for You

All the times that I’ve failed
When my doubt has prevailed
These are the moments I’m giving to you
Cause I can’t be ashamed
No I can’t fear the pain
When it comes time to be living proof

So the world may see
That the captives are free
‘Cause you have been heaven sent to us

(Chorus)

Unwilling to bend
Unwilling to break
And Headstrong I’ll stand
No matter what it takes

(Chorus)

Fearless.  How is it that we can become fearless for God and all that He wants for us?  As I try to prepare myself for entering formation, I again am brought to think, and think lots.  Perhaps I ponder more than I should but it is how I am.  As the time draws near for me to leave, my heart pounds more and more with the desires that it holds.  That leads me to wonder if we can ever have everything that heart desires?  If we follow God and His plan for us, then won’t we have everything we need?  Deciphering what I am to do in this life I have here is a task that is difficult to complete.  In my life I have so called “failed” many times.  Be that in school, my health, or standing for who I am.  Looking back on my life, I need to be able to give those failed moments to God and pray that they leave me with but the lessons that I have learned.

So being proof to the world of God’s love for us.  How am I really supposed to be doing this in my life?  In recent one would say of me, entering formation with the Salesians Sisters in hopes of becoming one of them, a Daughter of Mary Help of Christians (FMA – the formal name/abbreviation).  When I first discovered this new found possibility, I was so ecstatic and excited more than most things I have ever felt in my life.  Religious life, living for God, ministering to the youth, the chance of doing retreats, and still staying connected to those I consider my family.  The thing is, is it what I really feel in my heart as the place I can be who I am supposed to be.  I know I am called to something greater and better but I can not tell if this is it or not.  Could this just be that I am waiting for some feeling that I want to have that tells me clear as day the path I am to choose?  Surely in my life does not give me clear answers, but rather has God meeting me in places such as the the 11th page of a Google search or the bathroom at a huge Catholic youth conference.  The consensus against many people, including myself, is that I just need to go into this and see what happens and what God tells me about this time I will be in formation, however long that is.

I can never understand what draws me to where I have been and where I go, the good and the bad.  I can only hope that the good things that God calls me too I will realize and step into with complete faith.  There are many things in my life that mean the world to me as well as are things that my life would be incomplete without.  How do I hold onto them?  I need to make sure I am balanced, unwilling to bend or break from the things that make me who I am.

So how do we go into the world demanding so much and following the one who made us?  “Do not be afraid” (Luke 1:30) of what is out there.  I need to be who I am and trust that God will show me His ways for me.  Community is a important part of me life, so I ask you all to pray for me as I pray for you (especially my TEC family and closest of friends).  With me, let’s strive to become one thing for God.  Fearless.

 
 

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