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Monthly Archives: November 2010

Gratitude to Jesus

Sweet Jesus, Son of Mary

Our burdens you do carry

The world’s weight, your death

Redeemed our every breath

Let all that I ever do

Be in gratitude for you

As I lay all at your feet

Son of Mary, Jesus so sweet

 
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Posted by on November 30, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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Thanksgiving Joy with the Salesians!

These past few days have been such a blessing.  All the sisters in the province were here for Thanksgiving and an assembly to discern a new provincial.  I absolutely loved talking to all the sisters and wish I could keep them here with me.  I was supposed to get (and I am sure someone here has it) the e-mail of one sister to share in retreat ideas/files.  Then there is another I talked with about backpacking and camping and canoeing.  If ever possible, we are going to do it some day (you know…in that far off distant time).  I had so many wonderful conversations and shared my story as well as hearing theirs.  It was beautiful. 

While I was in adoration today, this poem came to my heart and filtered through my hands. 

Thank You Salesians, I’ll Be There!

Sitting down in silence to pray

Jesus ever present on the altar

I scan my eyes across the people

Grey and white fills near and far

Women who devout their whole life

To doing the will of God all around

Serving the youth of our growing world

Sharing joy where none is found

The unsurity that tries to creep in

Now is chased out and kept away

Inspiration and hope now fills me full

With such love to last many a day

These women with much experience

Are here with us to help and guide

I long to be like them if God wants

This to you I need now to confide

My heart beats so fast each time

And a huge smile shines on my face

Every time I talk of being Salesian

And my longing to be in this place

So thank you Sisters now and forever

Your wisdom is beyond any compare

Keep that light shinning so bright

And you can bet I’ll be there!

 
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Posted by on November 27, 2010 in Creative Corner, Living Salesian

 

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Purify Me I Pray

My God above, hear this prayer

Savior in love, hear this prayer

Spirit a dove, hear this prayer

 

Oh Jesus, purify me

Draw me close to you

Refine my heart

Live in my soul

It’s Your will I want to do

 

Hear this prayer, oh hear this prayer.

 

Oh Jesus, purify me

Draw me close to you

Calm my mind

Talk in my words

It’s Your will I want to do

 

Hear this prayer, oh hear this prayer.

 

Oh Jesus, purify me

Draw me close to you

Guide my feet

Work in my hands

It’s Your will I want to do

 

Hear this prayer, oh hear this prayer.

 

My God above, I thank you

Savior in love, I thank you

Spirit a dove, I thank you

 

I thank you

Oh, I thank you

I thank you

For creating me

To do Your will

 

*For those of you who understand…there are 143 words in the lyrics*

 
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Posted by on November 23, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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Knelt Hidden in Sight

Here you are present among us

But Lord, I kneel hidden from you

Seeing the altar you show yourself on

I feel the need to gaze at your home

To see you face to face is great, yes

In adoration feeling your love surround

Then I look out at your people praying

There I can see you present as well

Tonight it is enough for this poor soul

To be with you and not in your view

For you I must also gaze upon you

With your beloved children everywhere

Here you are present among us

But Lord, I kneel hidden from you

Seeing the altar you show yourself on

I feel the need to gaze at your home

To see you face to face is great, yes

In adoration feeling your love surround

Then I look out at your people praying

There I can see you present as well

Tonight it is enough for this poor soul

To be with you and not in your view

For you I must also gaze upon you

With your beloved children everywhere

 
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Posted by on November 18, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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Love Through Giving and Receiving

*This in a reflection I completed about a month ago and findly got typed up.  I know there may be flaws in my logic and that this is not the final end all be all.  It is just some thoughts I had for a couple of days jotted down on paper.  Take them as you will, reflect on them, disagree if you so choose, but by all means please comment if you have anything to say!*

Do you know that you are deeply and profoundly loved by God?  Do you know that He has great and marvelous plans for you?  So many people go through life not knowing that they are loved.  Even deeper, they do not feel this love in their entire being.  Why do you not know and feel this deep profound love?  We need to know from others that we are blessed, that we are loved, and that we mean something to someone.  There are, of course, many aspects to whether or not we feel loved deeply and profoundly.

Let’s take this example.  I once heard a story about a man who was coming back from hunting.  He had succeeded in coming back with two wild turkeys.  On the way home he happened across a boy who was struck with hunger.  The man sees this and sets both turkeys on the ground, backing away, so that the boy can come and take them.  The boy refuses to take them and stands there waiting.  After some time, the man goes and gives the turkeys to the boy.

What do you see in this story?  Is there anything that strikes you?  The boy did not want to take, but rather was waiting to receive from another.  I find in my observations on the world, that so many are not giving love, are not giving blessings, are not giving thanks, and such things to people around them.  This forces people to search for love, as well as acceptance, in places that will not fulfill them.  The take what they can, leaving no interaction with anyone and no interaction with God.  Love can not come from taking and not being given the particular something.

So then, what is the foundation of how we feel deep profound love?  When we give or receive genuinely, there is an act of love occurring.  This comes in many forms that vary from the tangible things that become a sacramental (This is different from a Sacrament.  I speak of a sacramental as something tangible that leads to the transcendent, that which is a reminder of something greater and reaches to the heart and soul.) to us for the reason of love, all the way to something unseen but felt in the process of giving and receiving.  In both giving and receiving with a genuine spirit, we see the result as love. 

How does receiving and from another lead for people to feel deep profound love?  When we receive a gift given with genuineness, then we know that someone cares enough to think of us.  When we receive a compliment, we know that someone is aware that we are there, existing in the world.  When we receive thanks, we feel that we are useful in some way.  With that though, it must be noted that we may not always receive thanks how we could expect it to come.  (This is a tope for another day.)  When we receive a hug, a smile, a greeting, an acknowledgement, and so on…we receive love.  The list could go one forever.  It all seems simply common so much that we should know we are loved by God and others always.  Why then, do we not feel deep profound love?

Giving, just as much as receiving, is a source of cultivating genuine love.  Another perception I have come across in my observations is that many expect to receive such things that give them deep profound love, but people are not will to give to others as well as being on that receiving end.  When we give, we are contributing to the greater good.  Being a part of giving love allows us to share in that love as well.  This giving comes in the same forms as the receiving, only we then move to the flip side of things.  The result of the feeling of love is the same, if not greater.

The acts of giving and receiving gifts, compliments, thanks, hugs, smiles, greetings, acknowledgement, and such related things creates a community of deep profound love.  Now really, how can that love be deep and profound?  We have to do and be aware of these things within the realm of the love of God who created us.  God lives in each of us.  Therefore, we need to give to everyone as if is God’s love.  We need to receive as if God is giving to us.  Every moment of each day God is with us and in our surroundings and in the people around us as well.

There are great and marvelous plans for each of us!  We are deeply and profoundly love by God!  Sure, there are other ways to for love to come to us than what I have spoken about.  This is just the beginning.  There days people so not give or receive as they should.  A certain respect level has dropped.  I find this an increasing reason people don’t feel loved.  Even when we are met with hostile responses, the love must still be spread.  Act with the love of God; someone’s life will be changed, quite possibly your own.

 
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Posted by on November 16, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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My Retreat Taken Away and a Song Recieved

Today brought the emotion of two very different sorts.  One that leaves me a bit confused, hurt, lost, and frustrated.  The other bringing me such joy.  Here goes the stories.

The best way of me taking a step back (other than going to Jesus) has been taken away from what I am understanding.  I understand the reasons I am being given, but all the same the alternates that were mentioned were just as hazardous as what I do already.  Do I inquire the thoughts of another, or is that overstepping by bounds?  I was told by someone who has a say that I should do what I need in order to be reflective and sane, namely what I am doing.  Now, are there more limits than I thought to this?

A really dear friend of mine has taken a set of poems that I wrote during shared meditation into a song.  It is a conversation between me and the Lord.  As I was listening to it, I started to cry in the best way possible.  She could have not picked something better for timing.  The last line that was added/altered from another was perfect.  God is wonderful the people He puts in our life.  Thank you my friend for the song!

I just got a hug…I needed that.  Thank you to the one who just hugged me (although you may never read this)!

 
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Posted by on November 14, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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Walking in Reflection with the Lord

For all my life, I have known that being outside is very good for my heart and soul, not to mention the body (as being outside usually means exercise).  Since I have arrived with the Salesians, that ability to get up and go outside kind of slipped.  During the long days when everything seemed overly busy and the tensions were high, I just kept on going…inside.  Recently I have rediscovered that taking those walks in the middle of the day, even when there is something else I should most likely be doing, is what keeps me focused on the here and now.  Doing that helps me to thimk clearly about where I am in life.

I have now gone on these walks a couple times.  Currently, I have just got back from one only moments ago.  There is a semi-rountine that I have developed (only semi- because it is good to have variation) for doing a walking rosary, or even just going on a walk.  I go out the front, through a little passage area, up a trail, up the road, all the way to the cemetary.  The turning back, I cut acroos the field with some trees, catching back up to the road and seeing a statue area, then back down the road and down the trail.  There are various stops that I like to make here and there.  When I am up at teh cemetary, I like to go in and glance over each Sister’s name, praying for them and also praying that they intercede for me what ever request I may have at that moment.  Today I walked that. 

Following it, I recalled the prayer promise I made for today for TEC to do a Divine Mercy Chaplet at my three’o’clock or their three’o’clock.  It ended up being inbetween.  I did that one walking through the bushes to the island and around that, then around the provinicial circle, then back around the island, then in the leaves and trees outside our community room sitting until I finished.

There was something simply amazing about walking around the property praying, especially in the beautiful cool weather with wonderful colors.  I am able to reflect and be at peace.  In everything going on in community with the sisters and aspirants as well as within me, I need to remember to take the time to be outside and walk.  If I am short on time, make the walk a little shorter, but still take it.  It may be my saving grace!

 
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Posted by on November 14, 2010 in Travels

 

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The Genius Music Teacher of Wonder vs The Music Teacher’s Worst Nightmare

I had a moment.  Okay, those who really know me or even you who have been following my blog, are most like thinking that I have a lot of those.  Well, I do.  Here is the moment I just had though.

Another one of the aspirants, the one who taught music for seven years before entering and is pretty much a musical genius, got her flute in the mail today.  She grabbed right before our visit to Jesus.  When we walked out, she looked at me and told me to go get my oboe out, we are playing.  Now keep in mind this little fact:  I have not played my oboe since the end of April…2009.  My checks and tongue after 15 minutes is a little weird and sore feeling.  Does this mean I need to practice?  I swear that I can be a music teachers worst nightmare.  I can sightread, don’t practice, yeah.  Maybe I am not horrible, but I wish I would have tried a tad harder back then.  I did try hard, but the practicing was another realm.  Tuning…that could use some work too.

Anyways, there was a moment in the playing.  It was so nice to be with one other aspirant playing music and just being together.  Memories came back to me, laughs and tears, joys and frustrations.  Music was an out and a great thing for most in the band. 

So, that is my moment.  It was good to play.  Let me tell ya though…I am very rusty.  Maybe I will have to practice….later.  😛

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2010 in Random Things

 

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Adoration Amazingness

This past Sunday, we had adoration as per usual.  It was the first time in a some weeks I have been able to just be there.  The prior time I had led, the one before that was cancelled, the one before that I led, and something was weird with the one before that.  No matter my involvement, the experience is most often a good one.  Even so, it was most definitely good to experience it just as is (after setting up the stuff…of course).  I want to share with you some of the music and a poem that I wrote during the evening in prayer.

This is the first song that was play at adoration.  It was for the exposition.

The poem below, entitled “Lord, Love Me So,” was written during the silent adoration.

In my heart oh Lord

You are calling me

Lead me deeper

Your love is what I want

Cast out the devil

For he controls me not

I am all Yours

Your will is my life

There is nothing else

Only Your great richness

Use me in Your plan

Reaching out to others

For You are amazing

None are like You

Let prayer be on my lip

All the day long

You on my mind

You in my soul

You Lord, fill me up

That I may never stray

That I can share You

In unique ways

For this is my purpose

To serve You alone

My heart does leap

And sings joyously

Dancing to Your song

Oh how I smile

At Your goodness

Grant me Your wisdom

Let me work for you

Doing great things

Oh to be a saint

If it is your will

Protect me, guide me

And I will be Yours

You are the Lord

Who loves me so

This next song was used for the reposition at the end of prayer and adoration.

There is something amazing in that song and I love it so much.  It is what I feel in my heart a lot of times, along with other amazing things too. 

The hard part is holding onto that wonderful feeling when all seems to get hard.  So the prayer then is to live each moment as if in the presence of God, which we are truly always in.  Peace!

 

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Reconciliation Plea: Come and Get Me

Before I reflect on something that I find wonderful, I was thinking about another thing.  Why do I put myself out there on the world wide web for all to see?  Why share, in the broad sense even, some of the things that most people keep to themselves?  It is not for my own good to gain greater glory from mankind (yes…mankind and not humankind, for I find that man does not have to relate directly to the male race) or to have people pity me, but rather to share with others my experiences in hope that they lead them to God in some way or another.  There are always lessons to be learned and some of them come from unexpectant places in unique ways.  That being said, I will now continue on to share to some extent a brilliant story.

God will choose when He will show Himself to me and when He will not.  This past Saturday at Catholic Underground left me more at ease within the struggles of my heart and soul fed to my mind.  After the evening prayer it goes into straight adoration with some music.  The group I was with all got up, one intending to move closer to Jesus and the other two heading for confessions before the line got long.  My plan was not to go, but I thought why not since everyone else was.  In the process, we decided someone should stay back with the stuff, then go.  I offered because I had not intended to participate in the Sacrament.  After some debate it was determined, although I was the one in the pew, that I would go and someone else would stay.

As I was walking around to get in line with another of the aspirants for confession, I could not help but wonder what I was doing and what in the world I would say.  Sure, there was something weighing on me that has been, but what would I say about it?  As it was closer to my turn, the two in front of me (one being my fellow aspirant) turned and asked if I would go because they were waiting for particular priests to be open.  I was not going to say no, so I went to the seemingly young priest that was waiting.  It went down something like this. 

I told him about the weight of the past and the effect it has on my relationships.  I mentioned how the closer I get to what I believe to be God’s call for me (which I could be wrong about or could change, you never know), the more I feel pulling away from where God may want me.  That is the general jist of what I walked about.  It is not much different than that of which I have shared with others or that many people knew already.  This is a summary of what I heard back in response, much of it things I have heard in other forms.

  • God has forgiven me for the things I have done in the past, all those sins.  I need to forgive myself for the stuff that has happened.
  • The closer I am to God, the more the devil will pull at me.
  • It is a beautiful thing that God wants me to be His bride.  With that comes the pull of the devil to take me from that.
  • God wants me here, now, as I am in the present.  He does not want me in the past.  He does not want me in the thoughts of the future.  He wants me right now as I am. 
  • The devil feeds on the past and on the anxieties of the future.  He will use that to get to me.  The devil will take those things that hurt and that I do not forgive myself for in order to bring me down.  I will end up in a snowball effect, exploding at the end if I let the devil dig into me.
  • Do everything for the love of God. 

Those are the base things that I was told in my confession, all things I have heard in some form in the past.  Upon receiving the blessing of absolution, the priest then asked if I would pray for him.  What an honor it is, or so that is how I felt when he asked me.

Once I reached my pew, I began to write as I do normally.  These are the lyrics that ended up on my paper.  It is entitled “Come and Get Me.” 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me

 

You have forgiven me

But it all stays still

Lead me, help me

To forgive myself

 

This sin is no more

My life has turned

With Your grace

I must forgive myself

 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me

 

You’ve given me life

Yet the devil attacks

Perseverance needed

I need Your strength

 

Help me to live

In the present now

Cast out the past

Look not ahead

 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me

 

This path I follow

I pray You call

Life consecrated

To Your will

 

Give me Your love

Let it flourish

That I may reflect

Purest Image of You

 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me



This is my prayer, that Jesus would come and get me where I am at right now.  For Him to take me as I am, with all the struggles as well, is the greatest gift ever.  I hope that I am able to take this experience and use it in my life.  There was a small metanoia; something changed within me that was ever so small, but big enough to move on with life.  God is amazing, isn’t He?

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2010 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection

 

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