It is amazing how one can have such amazing experiences then step out of them and the world smashes them down, or at least tries to. When the heart lies in many places, that too takes a toll on the process of discernment in life. These are the happenings of the past week or so.
Saturday was the wedding of a two people I know, one I studied with and the other a good friend of mine. It was very good to see friends from college but more than that, to see how beautiful Alison looked and how happy the couple is was an experience in itself. They are both very happy and faith-filled and amazing! When the reception came along there was definitely good food and awesome dancing moments. Though I was not able to stay the whole time, I had a blast.
Sunday morning I woke up and started the four hour drive up north to meet the rest of my family (all of dad’s side) at a house on the lake that belongs to a friend of dads. The drive was not bad, getting there was good, but I showed up fearful of how people were going to get along and who was going to get on my nerves. It was great to see my favorite cousin and first girl cousin of mine. Yes, we may be ten years apart, but who cares because we get along. Overall I think the weekend went well, I stayed away from those who drove me nuts, and with my extended family that I like to hang with.
Tuesday provided a trip to the mall with my aunt, two cousins, and my aunt’s in-laws (consisting of parents and two kids). That was, well, interesting. They speak Italian. My aunt, being American, speaks fluent English. My cousins are pretty proficient since they visit nearly every summer since birth. In any case, we walked every floor and were there nearly 6 hours! I did leave with something, a Matthew West CD for about 5 dollars. It was long, interesting, but good.
Wednesday I headed up to the cabin. It was typical cabin time with skiing, tubing, jet ski, jumping off pontoon, swimming, cards, fishing, eating, drinking, licorice, and such things. I was just going to go for the day and then come home, as I thought everyone was leaving in the evening, but that changed. It turns out all were staying, so last night I just stayed as well. Since grandpa wanders at night, he slept on the couch and I stayed with grandma. All other spots were taken. In the morning, people got up, did what they need for the day, and headed to Valleyfair. I did not go, neither did Palo (spelled wrong I am sure) or my grandparents. I just stayed to clean up and left to go home.
So today when I got back I just sat a little, washed up, picked up a shirt from church, got a hair cut, did a special project of mine, had dinner and cake at my other grandparents for the August birthdays, and now I am here writing this wondering what to think about my life.
There have been many different moments in the past week. I have to ones where I want to strangle people because they are getting on my nerves and just being plain old stupid. I have ones where I know I am supposed to be entering in approx 12 days and I get excited for it all to start. I have ones where I miss people so much it makes me cry because of the special connection that can exist between two people that is not explainable. I have ones where I am just not sure I am doing the right things in life. I have ones where I never want to live at home again. I have ones where I am places that I never want to leave out of my life ever. There are so many moments that I have. One moment I can be so sure and the next there is no surety at all. It is an interesting battle to be fighting.
What would I say to someone if I was reading this? Pray, and pray hard. To put it all in God’s hands. I need to make sure that I tell myself that God really does know what is going on inside of me and the desires of my heart, ones that are pure and good. Please pray for me!