Tag Archives: aspirant

Eastern Aspirants 2011

This video was made of the new aspirants that came in this year in the east, in combination with a couple old ones.  Can’t say that I am not jealous of the end bit.

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Posted by on September 5, 2011 in Living Salesian, Videos


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Mass to Cemetary to Adoration

Today was a day of a few good things.  For me, this was great since the last week has been a little harder.  Mass this morning was a success.  We had the little aspirant band plus a sister.  My musical fellow companion has really got me to enjoy playing at mass again.  We work real well together.  I always wonder if she knows how much I look up to her; also how much I want to make sure she is alright and like to take care of her if she needs anything.  Needless to say, mass was wonderful and she is amazing.

We had a half day silent retreat today.  What that means for us is going about the afternoon how we choose, but in silence.  I started my bit, after we all prayed the visit together, with a walk.  I wandered my way up to the cemetery, where I love to go to just be, think, ponder, reflect, and such things.  I sat on the ground at the foot of the cross part of the graves in the wall.  Leaning against the wall, it was an interesting feeling to know that the bodies of many sisters lay behind me in there, as well as in the ground in front of me on either side of the little path.  As I was journaling, this is the poem that came to me.

Past Sisters at my Side

Among past sisters I sit

Praying the best I have

For much wisdom lays here

In this holy ground forgotten

Maybe they will hear my cry

The tears shed in this place

In comfort myself let loose

To those who will to me listen

So I come here and pray

That they are with my Lord

Enjoying paradise in heaven

Laughing, talking with Jesus

I ask always for intercession

To guard and protect this soul

Throughout each and every day

For they too, have their stories

Perhaps just like my very own

That they may understand

Sitting with them here, now

I pray they see who I am

That they may help me to see

To become that special person

In their comfort I do give

All of myself to God’s will

As I leave their resting place

I pray they are at my side

It was very good to be up there in the cemetery.  When I got back down, I curled up in another aspirant’s really comfy and warm blanket until adoration.

At adoration tonight, I got to do the exposition and reposition, as I had written about yesterday when I learned how to do it.  There was something different I felt in me, even though most of me felt the same.  It was what I needed at this time and I could not have asked for better timing to be asked to do it tonight.  Thank you Jesus for giving me the chance to share you with this community.


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The Words I Can Say: Open Your Eyes

Where are the words I need to say

To explain myself the right way

So that people may begin to see

Maybe understand come of me

Let me please just apologize

You don’t see it in my eyes

I don’t learn just like you

I’m different in what I do

Please let me speak and explain

Don’t cause me any more pain

My words are not empty, wrong

They are true to my life-song

You need to open those eyes, for

If you did you could see more

There are some things that provoked this poem that I wrote this morning.  It still amazings me teh lack of awareness and such there is in the world, even admist us all.

I was confronted again by a fellow aspirant about how I should be studying and was basically being told I was not trying hard enough.  It was implied that I have not tested different ways of lerning things.  She proceeded to tell me this story of a young girl who had thie tragic story and all.  I was being told if she could do it a certain way, so could I.  It was frustrating and she would not let the topic drop.  I finally told her to stop because she is not helping in anyway at all.  There is no way she could understand, esspecially with the lenses she is looking through.

Another of the aspirants is not letting me apologize for the things I do need to apologize.  It is frustrating to me because then how do I know that she is really hearing me out?  There are things I need to explain and tell her.  As well, I am not sure if she is aware that we are all trying to go through and make the most of our formation and spending time with Jesus.  Sometimes I am afraid she thinks she is the only one.  Yes, we can all fall to that, but for me, I know that we are all in the same boat.  In that sense, it is hard when someone tried to distance themselves so she can stay focused on what is important.  The community is just as important.

Those are my rants.

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Posted by on January 11, 2011 in Creative Corner


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The Genius Music Teacher of Wonder vs The Music Teacher’s Worst Nightmare

I had a moment.  Okay, those who really know me or even you who have been following my blog, are most like thinking that I have a lot of those.  Well, I do.  Here is the moment I just had though.

Another one of the aspirants, the one who taught music for seven years before entering and is pretty much a musical genius, got her flute in the mail today.  She grabbed right before our visit to Jesus.  When we walked out, she looked at me and told me to go get my oboe out, we are playing.  Now keep in mind this little fact:  I have not played my oboe since the end of April…2009.  My checks and tongue after 15 minutes is a little weird and sore feeling.  Does this mean I need to practice?  I swear that I can be a music teachers worst nightmare.  I can sightread, don’t practice, yeah.  Maybe I am not horrible, but I wish I would have tried a tad harder back then.  I did try hard, but the practicing was another realm.  Tuning…that could use some work too.

Anyways, there was a moment in the playing.  It was so nice to be with one other aspirant playing music and just being together.  Memories came back to me, laughs and tears, joys and frustrations.  Music was an out and a great thing for most in the band. 

So, that is my moment.  It was good to play.  Let me tell ya though…I am very rusty.  Maybe I will have to practice….later.  😛

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Posted by on November 10, 2010 in Random Things


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Massive Amounts of Dust Bunnies Congregating for Mass

I have hit the discovery of all discoveries!  It was brought upon by the wisdom of a fellow aspirant.  We are all indeed a massive amount of dust bunnies who are congregating for mass.  We have fluttered all over the world living various lives before coming here with the Salesians.  I am not sure we are massive, but there is no doubt we are somewhere when we are there.  Now, while the dust bunnies being refered to initially were all hiding in a massive clump under a bed, we too are in a sense hiding.  What in the world, though, are we hiding from?  We are hiding from the fact the we indeed, might need to be formed.  We are hiding from the fact that there is indeed, not good things about ourselves.  We are hiding from the fact that we indeed, need to face our lives and what God has given us in them.  In the same sense, we still have congregated together to celebrate Jesus. 

In case you are still confused…here is the story.  I was up in the hallway talking with a fellow aspirant, when another fellow aspirant was trying to fill in the sentence “there is a massive amount of dust bunnies ______ under my bed.”  I proceeding to say “congregating.”  She exclaimed “YES” and continued to get a swifer to go clean her floor.  Before you know it, she is saying that they are having mass under the bed.  Thus…the humor of the day.

I have determined, in all our dust bunny sides of ourselves, that we really need to take better care of each other.  We need to be able to trust each other more, know each others boundries, know when to tell people you need space, and such.  Basically, it is a general we need to be comfortable with each other if we are going to make certain things work.  We don’t have to be great friends.  We just need to have each others trust and each others backs.  This way, we can deal with the dust bunnies and celebrate Jesus together. 

Peace, happy cleaning of your room (outer room, and inner room.  material, and immaterial)!

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Posted by on October 23, 2010 in Uncategorized


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Fear and Trust

In my last post, I forgot one distinctly thought-provoking quote from the book I have been reading that really stuck out to me, so here it is.

Fear is useless; what is needed is trust.

Sound familiar at all?  Well, to all of those in formation together or someone who has heard from me already, it is very similar to the moto us aspirants came up with.  “Trust don’t overthink!”  Back to the quote at hand though.  We are a people who lives in constant fear.  Though it may not be shown outwardly, all live in internally.  What is fear but an entrance into ourselves for Satan?  Living in fear has gotten people no where but in a state of unsurity which can drive them to dark places.  That is not what God wants of us!  Fear takes us far from the ultimate goal in heaven, via Jesus Christ who died for us. 

So if fear is useless to us, then what is to replace that fear we constantly live in?  We need to trust.  With trust we can do so much more.  Trusting in God shows Him that we believe He knows what He is doing.  Trust means we will give ourselves over to God’s will for us in life.  What better place to be than in His loving arms through all of life so that we may join His son, Jesus Christ, in heaven.  Yes, trust is hard to accomplish, but it is so important.  Just trust in God and He will provide.

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Posted by on September 14, 2010 in Inner Reflection


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Waiting Within

Fresh from my hands and my heart, I give to you another poem.  It is entitled “Waiting Within.”

Do you see it like I can see it now

Where did it come from, but how

It flutters around in me like a butterfly

Somehow it has lifted my spirits very high

My insides, oh do they really feel it

It is almost too much, how can I just sit

Oh the urge, it is definitely there

All this time left to go, can it I bear

Questions, oh the questions in my head

There are so many what ifs to be said

See that thing lurking in the darkness

I think it wants to make me feel less

No, wait, it cannot be allowed as so

With this light that warms me I must go

Why this brightness that must fill me

Where it leads, this I must really see

It sends away all that seems to pain

Oh the smiles that I cannot contain

For this greatest you give, I long

Just look at what it gives me, such song

The wait, will I make it to that day

The entering moment coming my way

Oh do pray for me this time to wait

Until comes that very special date

The things that fill me inside are numerous and great and in such varying degrees!  Into rhyme I do fall in the midst of it all!

Fact: There are four years of formation for the Salesian sisters that one must go through before taking first vows.  The following definitions are taken from Merriam-Webster.  The first year is Aspirancy.  An aspirant is “one who aspires.”  The second year is Postulancy.  A postulant is “a person admitted to a religious order as a probationary candidate for membership.”  The third and forth years are the novitiate.  A novice is “a person admitted to probationary membership in a religious community.”


Posted by on February 11, 2010 in Creative Corner, Living Salesian


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