Tag Archives: Struggles


Ever since going to Joyful Noise Family Fest, I have had this song stuck in my head.  I have been waiting for the right chance to share it here with some reflection.  This morning, I was inspired to share it.

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we’d have faith to believe

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know the pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home

Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

I could listen to that song over and over again.  So many times we only look for blessings that are presented from the good things in our life.  They don’t just come from there though.  Blessings come in the most difficult of times as well.  I am not sure I could fully express here how much I have found this in my life and have seen it in the lives of those close to me.  At current in my life, I am fighting through a few different things.  I do not always see the good that can come from them and often find myself discouraged.  This songs inspires me and reminds me of something that is a valuable lesson.  God is in everything, and I mean everything.  We have to remember to seek Him out, seek Jesus out, seek the workings of the Holy Spirit out…constantly.  In everything there is a blessing, we just have to be open and willing to see it, as well as give praise and thanks for it. 

This morning at mass, an elderly woman at the parish came up to me before mass and during the sign of peace.  She prayed many blessings on what I am doing.  She said she would pray that I would stick with it.  I can not count the number of times she used the word blessings.  It was like God was reminding me that I have to keep my eye out everywhere for those blessings.  I smiled, a relieving thing for one who has been struggling a lot.  God is good to me, how can I refuse Him and His blessings even when they come in disguise?


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Trust and Turn

Who do I trust

Where do I turn

It is complicated

Somehow simple

The heart full

It says so much

Same sounding

These become

Talking of this

My life on earth

So multilayered

Joy with the FMA

Past struggles

Both coexist now

So then what

Find the right one

Someone nearby

To listen to me

That I can trust

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Posted by on January 21, 2011 in Creative Corner


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Jesus, My Everything

During prayer one time, yesterday if I am not mistaking, the prayer leader picked a song that fit how I was feeling at that moment.  It is called “Jesus, My Everything” by Matt Maher.

With all the struggles that come with being in a place of formation with a group of other women, it is so easy to get distracted form what really brought us here and what really keeps us here in this place.  We all our longing for our purpose and place in being here.  The trouble lies that when we are all looking for the our place, we clash and runinto each other, making our purpose fall away.  We struggle because we don’t know what God could even have planned for us in this world.  In that sturggle then with the losing track of where we are, we fall hard and sometimes end up in temptation of sin, big or small.  The prayer is to let this all pass so that we can be truly a disciple with nothing standing in the way.

For me it is a constant battle, as it always has been.  The type of fighting has just varied as time has gone on.  There has not been one day that I have not found myself frustrated with something.  With that it is hard to remember why I am here.  It is in prayer that I try to bring my self back by laying it all down at Jesus’ feet and praying that I may follow Him more closely each day.  That being said, I now what to share a quote I found on another person’s blog.

“Vocation does not come from wilfulness. It comes from listening. I must listen to my life and try to understand what it is truly about—quite apart from what I would like it to be about—or my life will never represent anything real in the world, no matter how earnest my intentions…. Vocation does not mean a goal that I pursue. It means a calling that I hear”.

Herbert Alphonso, SJ

Listening, something that I have talked about before.  We need to listen to each other, listen deep within our hearts, listen to what God in the Trinity is saying, and just plain old listen to whatever there is to hear that could help up in our journeys and to lessen conflict.  It is amazing what we realize when we listen.  Things talked about in the song could be non-existent with the help of listening. 

In the end, don’t forget to pray.  Let Jesus be your everything and listen with your whole heart and mind to Him.  That is the reason I am where I am today.  Peace.


Posted by on September 22, 2010 in Inner Reflection, Inspirational Music


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Reach High For The Heavens

When the world seems to be closing in

And you are not even sure where to begin

There are people running all around

And your feet are not steady on the ground

Tears are rolling down your stain-streaked face

And all you want is get out of this place


Reach high for the heavens

Reach high for the heavens

God will be there

Holding out His hand

So reach high for the heavens


 When the road has been laid out just for you

And you think it is something you can’t do

The fear of the unknown fills you up

And you are not sure you can drink that cup

Being lost is all you have ever known

And the seeds of confusion have been sown


Reach high for the heavens

Reach high for the heavens

God will be there

Holding out His hand

So reach high for the heavens


When you see your life as it should be

And the potential there you do see

The chance is there for some change to come

And you may see the good you’re from

Smiles have the chance your face to appear

And what was confused can now be clear


Reach high for the heavens

Reach high for the heavens

God will be there

Holding out His hand

So reach high for the heavens

– Yours Truly

Fact: When you type in “Salesian Sisters of St. John Bosco” into a google search, you get about 15,300 hits.

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Posted by on February 25, 2010 in Creative Corner, Living Salesian


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God is There

Through the sun that shines in from far away

And the birds chirping that do stay

There is God on that glorious day

When the rains fall from the broken shy

When we are not sure those tears will dry

There is God as we are questioning why

In the things that seem ever so small

Like the passing of a little bouncing ball

There is God in the midst of it all

There are those moments we wish to forget

Even though the past has been surely set

There is God with you I am willing to bet

When the joy runs wild and off we go

Our prayer seems to run so dry and slow

God is there calling you back you know

Through the fears that hold us back

Like all our dreams locked in a sack

God is there to give you a courage pack

In the pondering of what is to come

When you feel like you have gone numb

God is there to guide you with a hum

Days do come and leave us really thinking

Whether we are swimming or down sinking

God is there to help us find the linking

When it all comes together out of a messy pile

Then we see where we are supposed to travel

God is there waiting and bearing a great big smile

– Yours Truly

Fact: Distinct characteristics of the Salesian spirituality are the three devotions that have been part of their prayers since the beginning.  This is one of them: “Friendship with Mary under the special title of Help of Christians. As a woman, wife and mother, she understands the inner workings of the our own journey through life, as well as that of the people to whom we minister.”

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Posted by on February 19, 2010 in Creative Corner, Living Salesian


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Briefly Standing on the Shore of Contemplation

Standing in the dark on the beach, wind piercing through my layers, sound of the waves against the shore, the few minutes let out much emotion.  I found that the warm tears fall from my eyes, heating my face from the cold wind, where but a small representation of the world that lives inside.  They fell for the good, they fell for the bad, they fell for the sake of needing to fall.  For whatever reason that they fell, they felt good to fall.

Being in the piercing wind brought me close to God.  It struck to to core of my being and it ran through my bones.  Such as it is when one lets God into their being and lets Him guide one through ones life.  Maybe I am not a hundred percent there, but in me that wind caused such a shutter that emotions ran out.  At that moment of deep piercing I longed to just be filled with the courage to take head on without worry the plans set forth to me.  Where that complete courage may not be here, the prayer came out of me wishing for it.  Staring into the ocean so many things were there.

It seemed that the water running as far up the shore as possible represented life for me, in the brief moment there.  Life in man different ways of thought shot through me.  One could jump right in all bundled up and go until there is no more left and disappear.  One could go far enough, feel the bitterness, then back away.  One could hear the life it can bring if looked at right, taking the experience of a couple minutes with them.  The path life could go, my life could go, gave many paths to think about.  How easy it could be to disappear at that moment, yet how much easier it was to wipe the tears and walk back into the life I am living.  Sure, frustrations pose there moments in life, but if life were smooth, where would be the adventure.  God wants us to lean on Him.

My thoughts adrift they did go to religious life.  Freaking out is part of the game.  As the water crashed to the shore I thought of all that could go right or wrong.  Who am I to be called to live the life of a sister?  Where does all that I had hoped for and love in my life that can no longer be go to be released?  While there it is so fitting, while away it falls apart, and there on the beach so many things happened in that piercing wind.  Only God knows the deep depths of my heart, if only I could allow myself to go there, through the pain and sorrow, through the things I wish of my life, to what He wants of me.

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Posted by on February 18, 2010 in Creative Corner


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Let Go and Let God: Letting the Spirit Move You

I want to start today by sharing with you a little poem that I received when I made my TEC retreat during my freshman year of college.  It has always given me much to think about each time I read through it.  Today I felt the urge to read it again and reflect once more upon the meaning.  It is called “Let Go and Let God.”  The author is unknown, as many people claim to have written it.

As Children bring their broken toys

with tears for us to mend,

I brought my broken dreams to God

because He was my friend.

But then, instead of leaving Him,

in peace, to work alone;

I hung around and tried to help,

with ways that were my own.

At last, I snatched them back and cried,

“How can you be so slow?”

“My child,” He said, “What could I do?

You never did let go.”

Letting go of things has been, and I am sure will be still, one of the hardest things to do.  It is not even just the good things that we seem to have a hard time letting go of; it is the bad things as well.  Why, in either case, can we not let go of things that hold us from what God really wants in our life.  For me, hard times came into my life and although I know not the complete source of them yet, but I was unable to fully give them to God.

It was not until that Riverbend TEC #224 that I hit a point where I could not handle it anymore and lost control of my emotions.  Die night when time for confession came and I was sitting staring at Jesus, the tears did come.  They flowed harder than they had in a long time needless to say, which led to some good conversations with a leader on my team.  In short, she asked me if I would like the team to pray over me the next morning, and I ended up agreeing to it.  As well that next morning, another leader of my team approached me (little did I know at the time that he was to be praying for me that weekend) and asked if I wanted to receive the sacrament of Anointing of the Sick.  After much debate, my heart said just do it.  My close friend was working on another team, but had known what was going on as I asked to see her.  She ended up coming the the anointing that day; more tears were shed as it happened and I was prayed over again.  Powerful as it was, I hit the draining of a lifetime.  I was completely exhausted and somehow made it through the work of the weekend in one piece.  The following story is my close friends recapturing the weekend.  It is quoted exactly from what she wrote.

Once Upon a Time…

There was a friend.
This girl longed to go outside. But she was trapped in a cage.
This girl wanted to run. But she lost energy.
This girl wanted to cry. But the tears had dried up.
This girl wanted many things. But she could not get to them.

Then there was me.
I didn’t want to go outside. But felt compelled to and did anyways.
I didn’t want to run. But I spent a long time on the swing-set anyways.
I didn’t want to cry. But it was uncontrollable and unstoppable.
I didn’t want any of these things. But I could get to them.

There is not a much stronger bond than that of friendship. The closer the friends, the stronger the bond. This story is true. The Spirit took time to move me into different places I would normally shy away from. I don’t quite understand what happened but after lining up time lines/actions/wants there is no other explanation. Like one of my favorite songs says, “God is great, People are crazy”.

I hope that others will learn when the Spirit calls, listen. Even if you don’t know why, or what it is asking. Follow. You never know what a difference it can make in someone else’s life. Or in your own life.

How is it that someone who can not see me feel what I could not feel or was not allowed to feel due to the work that I had to do?  The spirit moved in us and it was the only way I made it through without leaving, not to mention the amazing community that I was surrounded by.  What does any of these two things have to do with each other?  It was this experience that letting go and letting God take what was hurting in me was something I tried even harder to let myself do.  Sure, I still struggled and I do even now.  Things that affect your life so greatly stick with you, it is what you do with them that makes the difference

As I am preparing myself for entering into formation, I think often back on this time.  It was a point in my life where some things were starting to change.  Sure, I was about to spend more time than I had in four years at home, which for me can be hard at times with the differing views and thoughts on stuff.  Even with that, I felt more ready to battle things; despite how exhausted physically, mentally, and spiritually I was.

Given the place that I am in right now in life, I think about this often, as I had mentioned.  How does most recent TEC experience link back to my first TEC experience?  The difficulty I went through reminded me again of how I need to continuously let go and let God.  Holding on to those pains does not help me achieve God’s plan.  Preparing for formation, I often think about if these things of the past will come to affect me again, but then I realize that that thinking only hurts me.  You see, I need to constantly be giving everything and every moment of every day to God.  This was, He can take it all and return it to me in the form of love in what His plans for me are.  These are the thoughts of the day.  Remember to always let go and let God, be open to what the Spirit moves you to do, you never know what will happen in life.

Fact: The mission of the Salesian Sisters, Priests, and Brothers is to educate young people, especially the poor.


Posted by on February 16, 2010 in Creative Corner, Living Salesian


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