Tag Archives: heart

Not Sleepy Words

Last night I was unable to fall asleep.  There was nothing that could be done to get me to fall into a slumber.  Yesterday was an interesting day that I will not forget for a long time.  That will be a story those certain of  you know you will hear from me at some point.  God was being the Father He is to me and Jesus the brother/friend He is, let’s leave it at that.  Anyways, in the lack of sleep no matter what I tried to do, this is what came of it, typed out on my iPod. 

Have you ever felt something so deeply within your entire being?  Where words cannot even come close to describing what is running throughout you?  So it is with me.  So many times my heart feels like it will explode for lack of an outlet.  The simplest thing happens, good or bad, and the whole movement within shifts, looking for a form of expression.  Alas, you are not understood for what is felt; it is more than anyone else can comprehend.  Has that ever occurred in your life?  What did you do?  It is so often this appears in my life and all I can do is but simply contain it within myself, bottling everything till the moment it flies out in tears, of both joy and sorrow.  How can no one feel as I do?  Is there anyone out there who thinks it is possible that someone my age may have more wisdom than is usually given credit to?  In my heart there is so much to share, but no one to listen or who will take me seriously.  Is it the struggles of my life that hold me back?  Maybe the wisdom I feel have is not really there.  What does it really matter in the end anyways, what other people say or think?  As long as I am true to myself, right?  I feel deeply so many things all over the scale, from the worst of things to the most marvelous things.  Then what is left is what to do with all those feelings in me before they become a chaos and that shoots me backwards to things I have left behind me that try to creep on.  How can I express myself in a way that gives me comfort and joy, even with the sorrow too, so that I may be me?


Posted by on August 29, 2011 in Inner Reflection


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Carry On

These lyrics were inspired from who knows where while sitting in an adoration chapel.  A lot of times when I write, I find the deeper meaning later down the road.  This is kind of one of those.  Take from it what you wish.

V1: It’s another day like the rest

And I’m trying to give it my best

On my face I’ve put a smile

To bring me the extra mile


R: Look at me, what do you see

I’m falling down, going to hit the ground

Look this way, there’s no words to say

This moment this place I need the grace

To carry on


V2: Inside it’s another story

Striving for what you want me to be

But the chaos takes over my heart

I don’t know where to start


R: Look at me, what do you see

I’m falling down, going to hit the ground

Look this way, there’s no words to say

This moment this place I need the grace

To carry on


B: Will you come to my aid

With prayers that never fade

Never to criticize

Please see through my eyes


R: Look at me, what do you see

I’m falling down, going to hit the ground

Look this way, there’s no words to say

This moment this place I need the grace

To carry on

Will you help me carry on

Please help me carry on

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Posted by on August 26, 2011 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection


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Permission to Pray

As my companion was cleaning up the final things after her sessions in the chapel for confession for good news for camp, three girls who are taking summer classes came in.  The asked…

Can we, like, pray?

The answer was a simple yes.  They then, in the back, knelt down and prayed.

For some reason it took me a little by surprise.  These were not troublemakers, but nor did they seem to be the ones to just walk in a pray.  It made me smile that they would take some of the spare time they had and come into the chapel.  Maybe there is more hope in the youth of today than people tend to give them credit for.  This is why I work for youth.

Permission to pray, do we really need to ask for it?  Perhaps it is the fear of what others will think or maybe something else.  Everything we do should be prayer, so then do we need to ask for permission to move, to breath, to do anything at all, or even to just stay still doing nothing? 

Of course we can pray, just make everything a prayer in the heart.  Of course we can pray, God is waiting to hear from you.

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Posted by on July 25, 2011 in Inner Reflection, Living Salesian


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Blessed with Adoration

Since coming home, I have been making sure that I don’t sleep in too much and rather go to mass in morning.  Usually at the parish, they have adoration on the first Thursday of the month.  I was kind of sad and disappointed when after mass, it did not go into adoration.  In having talked to a friend of mine online, she had mentioned that I should find somewhere to go to adoration more often while at home.  It was said in light of my needing to sort out some things going on currently.  It made sense to me, so I figured I would stay after mass yesterday for adoration.  I had to leave believing there must be a reason and I had to trust. 

Today I got a pleasant surprise.  Being the first Friday, they had decided to do adoration today.  It was such a relief to me to be able to be in the presence of Jesus in this form.  While I did not stay overly long, the little bit there was good.  There was also another priest at mass today.  I love when there is more than one priest celebrating the mass together.  I am not sure what it is, but it is good.

We started adoration with the Litany to the Sacred Heart.  Three lines stood out to me the most. This is the order that they come in when reading the litany, but I found them sticking out to me in reverse order.  Why they stick out to me, I am still thinking about that. 

Heart of Jesus, full of goodness and love.

Heart of Jesus, patient and most merciful.

Heart of Jesus, our peace and reconciliation.

When we finished the litany, I prayed the morning prayer as we do with the Sisters in community.  I must say though, it is weird to being praying it on my own.  As I was doing that though, I reminded myself that in the heart of Jesus, I am with the others praying it as well. 

As I sat in adoration, I started writing down my thoughts I was sharing with Jesus.  I told Him my struggles and the questions in my heart and mind that I am trying to figure out.  I thanked Him and let Him know where I am at in my life.  Jesus responded in my heart.  I heard Him call me His little sister and tell me that He can not give all the end answers.  He said he would walk with me and guide me along the little steps that bring me to the bigger answers.  I am supposed to be patient and trust in Him, to be at peace and not give up. 

Of course I wanted to respond.  I told Jesus that it is not as easily done and said.  For me, being home provides an inner challenge to the heart.  I did not tell Jesus this next part in my writing but I am sure He knows, when you are living in the faith community things are much easier.  I asked Jesus if I was missing something.  Again He replied, calling me His little sister.  I was told in my heart to be patient.  It came up that I am a person of great awareness and that I will see what I need.  He wanted us to then just pray together.  Jesus told me that He loves me.  I told Him that I love Him too. 

Many people may be not sure of what to say about this type of conversation.  I write what I feel in my heart.  To me, it was reassuring and good.  For the rest of the time that I stayed, I just gazed at Jesus looking for peace and wisdom.  I prayed for healing for me and for others I am close to.  It was good to be there, with Jesus, knowing I have the best support in life. 

With that, I again thank my friends and Salesian community for everything they have done for me.  You were put in my heart today during adoration for whatever reason God intended, so I am grateful. 

Take time to be at peace today.  Jesus knows your heart.

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Posted by on June 3, 2011 in Inner Reflection


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Words Of Few

The words to express are few and only these

I am not even sure I can fall to my knees

Instead I might crumble to the cold hard floor

But I will dare not walk out that convent door

God wants me here, I feel it deep in my heart

This love of kids and this life, I cannot part

How can it be that this is what God does intend

And I am left with these hard things to fend

There is no way my being here is a mistake

My genuineness to follow this call is not fake

So what do I do, how do I continue this journey

Not losing the call within or falling far from Thee

If others get in my way or from You distract

Please don’t let me lose my mind and pack

God’s plan I am determined to fully follow

To not let my faith in Him run out hollow

So as I crumble to the hard floor in tears

Know that I am just fighting through the fears

It is harder than one may outwardly perceive

I just hope from this life graces I do receive

Thank you God for the gifts to me given

For You I keep trying to live to get to heaven


Posted by on May 10, 2011 in Creative Corner


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God is Enough

Recently, I have received some wisdom from a good friend of mine.  She is one smart person full of wisdom and love.  I hope she does not mind that I am sharing it as it really struck me as something many people need to hear.

God is enough.  God has to be enough.  You have to be able to stand alone, with God, in the good and the bad and know, no matter what, He is all you need.  Without Him you are lost.  Keep Him close to your heart and remember, no matter what…He has to be enough.

Don’t ever forget that.  Community is important, yes.  When it comes down to it though, this needs to be true for you deep in your heart and in your entire being.  I know I need to work on it, what about you?


Posted by on April 20, 2011 in Uncategorized


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Morning Meditations from a Book

This morning before meditation (mind you…before 5:40) I was reading through the readings and reflections from the past two days, as I had not the time to look at the reflections.  There is part of the reflection from this past Saturday that really stood out to me.  The reading it was based on was John 7:40-53.  Here is the part that stood out to me.

So what does your experience tell you about Jesus?  There is so much the Holy Spirit wants to reveal to you.  There is so much he wants to explain, illuminate, and clarify, not so that you can boast in knowledge but to take your relationship with him to a deeper level.  Don’t be content simply to listen to other people’s explanations or description, as helpful and illuminating as it can be.  Seek him out for yourself.  Listen to him.  Ask him questions.  Invite him to teach and direct you, as you learn to listen to his Holy Spirit. 

And when something stirs your heart, pursue it.  Compare it to Scripture and teaching, but test it out yourself as well.  Step out in faith.  See if it bears fruit.  Don’t be afraid to make mistakes.  God knows your heart.  He can see when you are taking steps, however tentative, our of love and a desire to know him better.  He’s big enough to make up for any missteps along the way, too.  He’s very good at gently correcting us and keeping us (or the people around us) from major mistakes.  All he wants is that we know him better and better.  All he wants is that we become more and more convinced that he is our Lord and Savior.  Don’t you want that too?

I just want to leave that with you to ponder over.  It really struck me hard as I read it this morning.  I hope it hits you in some way as well.


Posted by on April 11, 2011 in Inner Reflection


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Mary Mazzarello Quote 2

Corragio, dunque; dopo pochi giorni di combattimento, avremo il Paradiso per sempre.

…and in the english again because I am nice…

Be of good heart, then; after a few days of struggle we shall possess paradise forever.


Posted by on March 31, 2011 in Uncategorized


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T’was The Night Before Lent

T’was the night before Lent

All my strength hath been spent

Then came along this one desire

Do something else to light the fire

It is not but another Lenten year

And life still holds much fear

Who can say when I will go

How much knowledge I will know

This I hear ringing in my head

With Jesus I am to be fed

But then the clatter once again

My life is not something to bargain

So this night before Lent does start

What is my sacrifice from the heart

Pray I must now to heaven above

So I can show greater love

As I sit here tonight, which the complete intention of doing my homework, I can not help but let my mind drift off to thinking of what I am doing for Lent.  Yes, I always hold off to the last moment.  Sure, I am giving up all sweets on account of that is what we do here in the house.  There are so many things that one could do for Lent, but I want to do something that means a little more than giving up food or Facebook or such things.  I want to do more than adding just another rope prayer into my day.  The prayer and hope I have is that when meditation comes around, God will inspire me to what shall be for me this Lent.

Have you thought seriously enough about what God is calling you to do this Lent or have just picked something because it is challenging/easy or what everyone else is doing?

Who is Jesus to you and what is He worth in your life?


Posted by on March 8, 2011 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection


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Mary Mazzarello Quote 1

Coraggio; quando sei stanca ed afflitta va’ a deporre i tuoi affanni nel Cuore di Gesù e là troverai sollievo e conforto.

Because I am nice, here is the english version…

Courage; whenever you are tired and afflicted, go lay your anxieties in the Heart of Jesus, and there you will find rest and comfort.

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Posted by on March 1, 2011 in Uncategorized


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