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Monthly Archives: August 2010

“Why would you do that?”

Many times they ask us, “Why would you do that, give up your life for this?”  They say give up your life refering to having a family and a well paying job.  People also make the event of entering something of this big deal and way out of the ordinary.  There is an unsaid ackwardness that comes, too, from mentioning you aspire to be a vowed religious.  People like me can be set apart.

Am I really giving up the things of life?  Absolutely not! I do not see this as others tend to see things.  This choice to enter the formation program with the Salesians is just the next step on my journey to Christ.  Sure it is a huge life change, but isn’t marriage the same way?  Nothing feel different about my life and in all reality it should not.  We will continue to learn things about ourselves and others, but our life is not drastically different.  It is the choices we make with the life that we have and how we want to live it.

So why am I here doing this.  It landed in my heart via some odd experiences and turn of events.  It just seemed where I should head even with all the struggles in my life.  I really am not completely sure why I have ended up here but I am trusting as best as I can that this is right.  All we can do is pray and live each day as if it is the last one, knowing that God loves you.

 

 
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Posted by on August 31, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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Ponders and Poems

The other day when we were waiting around at the uniform store for our stuff to come out so we could try it on, I swiped someone’s I-something and played with it.  One of my favorite things is to leave random notes on the notes section.  This is what ended up coming out of that little moment.

Here we are eight strong

With the Salesians we belong

Laughter fills the air

Many people who care

This group we will bond

Sister of which we are fond

A life of service to live

To God ourselves do give

So in prayer and joy we go

Our gifts to the world sow

These eight excited we be

Trust don’t overthink you’ll see

As many of you know, poems are a huge way for me to show what is indies of me or portray life in general to others, so now that this time of formation has begun, you shall see more of them!

Like I may have mentioned before, the group has chosen a moto to follow us through formation and our lives.  It has landed at “trust, don’t overthink.”  For me, that is especially interesting since I am a deep thinker and most definitely a deep feeler.  There are a lot of things in my life I am not happy about, but many of them I come to resolve and lay to rest so that I move on.  Only a few remain.  The thing is if I let them get to my head too much without the trust and prayer that thing will be as they should, then I would begin to doubt.  So I just ask prayer in that, as well as prayers for the words to say in the situations I need to say them. 

Oh the sisters.  I absolutely love them here.  The group of the eight of us are amazing.  We are starting to see a little more of who each person is.  A struggle I could see us having is catering to each person’s learning style and way of doing things.  While yes, we have bonded and love being together, there is still much to learn from each person and their lives.  Finding a balance in this community, of us aspirants and with the sisters, is so key to living together in this amazing life.  This morning in our “conference” with Sr. Kim, community is something she emphasized is very important in the Salesian community.  Also that we can lean on each other and trust each other.  She mentioned that through-out our time together, we will start to know each others’ lives, histories, dark sides, good sides, and much more (not exactly in those terms of course).  While my favorite community to be in is my TEC Family, I am really starting to grow fond of this one too.  When in this community I feel happy, like everything is perfect and grand.

Of course, it was mentioned that this time of formation is also a time for ourselves, to really discern and lean about who we are.  Individually, I show a different side of me.  The side that struggles with certain aspects in the life I have.  Something I have to keep reminding myself of is that we have times in our lives that we are vulnerable.  It those moments, it is okay to lean on others for support.  That is the beauty of community!

There of course, is so much more to say.  For now, just know that I am happy here and am enjoying life.  I have amazing people to support me (note to a couple of you: even one who makes me drink water…you know who you are).  Send prayers, send mail.  Contact me by ways you know how to in order to get the address, I don’t want to just post it.  Peace and Love! 

 
 

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Trust, Don’t Think!

Besides the hour and a half delay getting here, I arrived safely with the Salesians at the house around 10pm on the 24th.  I was surely a bit exhausted but all the same so very excited to get away from everything and be here.  The group of 8 of us are amazing and we already are having the best of times!  Because of the short time I have currently, here are some of the things that have happened.

“Trust, don’t think” is our moto.

We almost all went swimming in the rain.

Sr. Theresa impersonated a bug in water.

Skip-bo was a very fun game to play.

Uniforms were oddly exciting to sort through and then buy what we did not have.

There has already been labor, yay!

Jen braided me hair, I love that. 

Pretty much, that is what I have for now, I will share more details later when I have the time.  Thanks for following me and there were surely be good things to come.  For example, a poem I wrote today. 🙂 Peace!

 
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Posted by on August 26, 2010 in Living Salesian

 

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The Morning before the Journey Continues

It is the morning, approximately 8:20, and I am staring at the floor of stuff that I need to pack to leave.  So many things swarm my mind and my feelings are all over the place so much that I am not even sure if I am thinking or feeling anything at all.  Packing puts me in a numb and sends me over the edge with emotion and frustration that things just don’t pack themselves.  No, this is not attributed to the fact that I wait until the day before, or night, to get things in the bags that they are to travel in.  It is more to the fact that me and packing is not exactly a good combination once we moved past the clothes and into the ordeals of sweatshirts into all the other little things.  Starting earlier might help, you say?  Well, that only adds to the craziness by reason of it sits there longer and I worry more about what I packed, how I packed it, and the list goes on.  So, here I sit this morning staring at what needs to be done, what needs to go, and what needs to stay.  I must make it work.

9:30 it now is.  I have shower, found my ring under the couch, and there are still things to pack.  My webcam has made a run for its life, so I may have to go without it.  The deodorant has also gone missing and the new one it packed away in the deep confines of my suitcase to be checked.  As the time draws near for me to leave, I fear so many things to go wrong, to not have done right, to have forgotten.  All these I must wipe away and continue forth in what I believe God wants me to do.

The hour has rolled around, it is 10am and I believe everything is packed that can be.  Photos will have to wait as they weigh more than I want to carry in my backpack.  Those will have to come back after the Christmas holidays.  As I lifted my suitcase, a fear settled that it may be over the 50 lbs that it must be under in order to not pay more than need be.  That scares me as what can I take from there?  It is all clothes any very little else.  Now I must enlist my dad to lift the bag and get his opinion.

10:15 and it has been decided to go over to my grandparents to do the grand weighing of the bags.  We shall see what will go and what will stay.  This is very crazy, what I have to bring, what I want to bring, and what I can bring.  Little do I know as to what I actually want to do with some stuff.  I fear that there will be too much that I don’t need.  I fear that there is not enough.

10:30 and my family is driving me nuts. 

Okay, the time is now 10:50.  I have just gotten off the phone with Jocelyn and it was good to hear her voice.  I am guessing that now is the time that I should finish this post and sign off form this computer.  Do not fear, I will be back.  We get to stay connected online; there are community computers to use so that will be good.  I have hit a semi loss for words moment and do not know what to say.  Now shall be the time to go eat something and make sure I am set to go.  Peace everyone.  Please come visit my site often as I go through this journey!

 

 
 

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Stand in the Rain

I want to share with you all once again the power of music, especially Christian music, in my life.

Stand up when it is all crashing down.  I can not say that I have always done that in my life, but someone has always been there to pick me up and stand in the rain with me.  We have all had moments of the fear to cry, to let that one tear come down that would open the flood gates.  My world has crashed down, I stood in the rain, and I was refreshed.  This song is just powerful, and I am glad to share it.

 
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Posted by on August 23, 2010 in Inspirational Music

 

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Fearless: Reflections of Life

I want to share a song that was another TEC theme song, this one for HV 61.  It kind of popped up in my radar of listening to music, so I decided to share!  This is the official video for “Fearless” by Building 429.

No I don’t understand
And I can’t comprehend
This power that draws me to you
But I know for the cross
I’ll consider it all lost
In an effort to tell of the truth

That the world may know
That the world may know
You have been heaven sent to us

(Chorus)
I’ll be fearless for You
I’ll be fearless for You
Take me I’m Yours
I’ll be fearless for You

All the times that I’ve failed
When my doubt has prevailed
These are the moments I’m giving to you
Cause I can’t be ashamed
No I can’t fear the pain
When it comes time to be living proof

So the world may see
That the captives are free
‘Cause you have been heaven sent to us

(Chorus)

Unwilling to bend
Unwilling to break
And Headstrong I’ll stand
No matter what it takes

(Chorus)

Fearless.  How is it that we can become fearless for God and all that He wants for us?  As I try to prepare myself for entering formation, I again am brought to think, and think lots.  Perhaps I ponder more than I should but it is how I am.  As the time draws near for me to leave, my heart pounds more and more with the desires that it holds.  That leads me to wonder if we can ever have everything that heart desires?  If we follow God and His plan for us, then won’t we have everything we need?  Deciphering what I am to do in this life I have here is a task that is difficult to complete.  In my life I have so called “failed” many times.  Be that in school, my health, or standing for who I am.  Looking back on my life, I need to be able to give those failed moments to God and pray that they leave me with but the lessons that I have learned.

So being proof to the world of God’s love for us.  How am I really supposed to be doing this in my life?  In recent one would say of me, entering formation with the Salesians Sisters in hopes of becoming one of them, a Daughter of Mary Help of Christians (FMA – the formal name/abbreviation).  When I first discovered this new found possibility, I was so ecstatic and excited more than most things I have ever felt in my life.  Religious life, living for God, ministering to the youth, the chance of doing retreats, and still staying connected to those I consider my family.  The thing is, is it what I really feel in my heart as the place I can be who I am supposed to be.  I know I am called to something greater and better but I can not tell if this is it or not.  Could this just be that I am waiting for some feeling that I want to have that tells me clear as day the path I am to choose?  Surely in my life does not give me clear answers, but rather has God meeting me in places such as the the 11th page of a Google search or the bathroom at a huge Catholic youth conference.  The consensus against many people, including myself, is that I just need to go into this and see what happens and what God tells me about this time I will be in formation, however long that is.

I can never understand what draws me to where I have been and where I go, the good and the bad.  I can only hope that the good things that God calls me too I will realize and step into with complete faith.  There are many things in my life that mean the world to me as well as are things that my life would be incomplete without.  How do I hold onto them?  I need to make sure I am balanced, unwilling to bend or break from the things that make me who I am.

So how do we go into the world demanding so much and following the one who made us?  “Do not be afraid” (Luke 1:30) of what is out there.  I need to be who I am and trust that God will show me His ways for me.  Community is a important part of me life, so I ask you all to pray for me as I pray for you (especially my TEC family and closest of friends).  With me, let’s strive to become one thing for God.  Fearless.

 
 

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About to be Going

The days are counting down the moments

Those of which are left before that certain one

A moment in which I fly out to continued life

Starting something that can change me forever

The stuff has been mostly gathered and checked off

Packing yet to be in the realm of reality had

Though soon that moment must come to be

Then to the Salesians I must head to hear God

What does God want of me?  I am not sure but I am sure enough that I must go and see what He tells me in this place.  Packing is yet to happen, but it will be soon.  Then I will be off.  Peace and Prayers.

 
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Posted by on August 19, 2010 in Inner Reflection, Living Salesian

 

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