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Carry Me

Yesterday evening in adoration at the formation house I was inspired with another set of lyrics.  I hear a melody in my head forming, but I have to get it out on paper or something musical.  Even though I am not typing it here, I am hearing a descant/echo/harmony in my head; some background voices that could sing below or above the verses.  That will come later!  Despite how soon since I have written it, I am posting it now because who knows who it will reach to that may need to hear these words.

Will you carry me, dear Jesus?

My friend, will you carry me?

You are the only one

Who is strong enough

To carry me.

 

I don’t now what to say, what to do, what to think;

I don’t know how to feel, how to pray, how to love.

I don’t now what to say, what to do, what to think;

I don’t know how to feel, how to pray, how to love.

So I give it to you, I give it all to you.

 

Will you carry me, dear Jesus?

My friend, will you carry me?

You are the only one

Who is strong enough

To carry me.

 

I don’t know where to go, where to pray, where to serve;

I don’t know when to move, when to cry, when to laugh.

I don’t know where to go, where to pray, where to serve;

I don’t know when to move, when to cry, when to laugh.

So I give it to you, I give it all to you.

 

Will you carry me, dear Jesus?

My friend, will you carry me?

You are the only one

Who is strong enough

To carry me.

 

Through the confusion, through the chaos.

When I finally let go and give it to you

 

Will you carry me, dear Jesus?

My friend, will you carry me?

You are the only one

Who is strong enough

To carry me.

So will you please carry me?

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2011 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection

 

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Oh My Soul

As I was opening the notebook I have for just about everything (I recopy tihngs into their perspective places), I came across a short little thing I could not have written too long ago, within the week I imagine I had done it.  Here it is!

There is a spiritual war in my soul

A raging deadly war in my soul

Fighting, pulling, pushing in my soul

The strength you need oh my soul

 

God, you must take over in my soul

Drive out the pain in my soul

Fill me with your love in my soul

Healing must come oh my soul

 
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Posted by on October 18, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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Affirming the Discerning

It has been a while since I have posted, as things have been staying quite busy.  Right now I have just one week left at the Marianist Family Retreat Center in Cape May Point, NJ (look it up!).  It is sad that my time is nearly to an end.  My last retreat is coming up and it may be a little emotional being I am hitting the road the day after it ends back to Minnesota.  God has done, is doing, and will do great things.

There are themed days on the week: welcoming, communication, forgiveness, affirmation, commitment, and commissioning.  On Commitment day, something really hit me.  During a part of the service, the families share their commitments to each other and to the world in front of all of us on the retreat.  The parents go first and share their commitments to each other, renewing what they had at marriage.  They they invite the kids up and continue.  While the couples were sharing, each time a couple came up, I thought it so beautiful their love for each other.  How wonderful to have that!  I was thinking how that is something I really want in my life and how wonderful it would be to have it like them.  Then, I also had this feeling of it is not for me as much as I could ever want it.  It was truly an affirmation that taking the step to go into formation with the Salesians is the right thing to do even if it does not work out that way. 

There is so much on my heart and in my mind right now, but I don’t want to overload with a long post, nor do I really have the words to express.  These next days, maybe weeks, and even possibly months, are going to be emotional ones and very energy draining.  I just pray for strength and wisdom through it all.  Peace.

 

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Creative Writings Sparked by Salesian Possibilities in my Life!

I have decided repost some of my poems that show the passion and love that I had in me when I first learned of the Salesians.  The way I felt, the way I acted, the things that I wrote…all show so much as to what this is in my life.  It is good to revisit these works of art as a refreshment to my heart and soul what God has given me.  For each poem or lyric, I will give you the explanation of it before showing you it.  Also, there is a link to the original blog post for each one, so feel free to check it out and comment there.  There are more in-depth explanations in the original posts.  Remember, these are all my own personal works of art and I cherish them very much.

This is the first of two writings that came from my hands a night or two (do not recall exactly) after my visit with the Salesian Sisters/FMA over Thanksgiving.  It is a psalm entitled “You Call For Me.” (see post here)

You Call For Me

Lord, you call for me. Help me to listen and to follow You.

Lord, whatever You want.
However You want.
Whenever You want.
Wherever You want.
However much You want.

Lord, you call for me. Help me to listen and to follow You.

My heart is racing
My soul leaps for joy
Your love is in me
In Your arms I belong

Lord, you call for me. Help me to listen and to follow You.

To be Your hands and feet
A beacon of light for the world
To walk hand in hand with You
Filled with such passion and love

Lord, you call for me. Help me to listen and to follow You.

Never has a joy like this entered me
Like a streaming rush of water
A chance to fill an empty hole
To be Your servant, Your bride

Lord, you call for me. Help me to listen and to follow You.

Lord, whatever You want.
However You want.
Whenever You want.
Wherever You want.
However much You want.

Lord, you call for me. Help me to listen and to follow You. 

This is the second of two writings that came from my hands a night or two (do not recall exactly) after my visit with the Salesian Sisters/FMA over Thanksgiving.  It is a poem entitled “I Am Ready For You.” (see post here)

I Am Ready For You

Jeremiah 29:13 “When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.”

Oh Lord I did not see
I was not searching as I should
Searching You with all my heart
Now I see that You were there
And in lack of giving all my heart
Blind I did stay, lost in the world
Here, though, a change occurred
I give You all my heart now
Take it and do with it as You please
I earnestly search for You
Actively waiting for Your call in my life
Take me where You will, protect me
You say You are waiting for me
I say I am ready for You, here I am

Here you will find a poem that was rattled out of me during my second visit to the sisters.  I now leave you to read a poem entitled “Vocation.” (see post here)

Vocation

It is not very quiet in her heart so full
There is this tug, this bit of a pull
Something calling to do a little more
Drawing her to see what is in store
Fear trembles from deep within
She has no idea where to begin
There was a visit to come and see
Leaving her now on bended knee
With all of this she is left to wander
Her friends give her much to ponder
In all the moments of her past
Maybe this is what will forever last

This poem I wrote a couple of days before I started my blog.   It was what gave the final push to have me start blogging.  Here is a poem entitled “Prayer: See Inward, See Outward.” (see post here)

Prayer: See Inward, See Outward

There is this deep longing
Something that burns deep within
I want to run out dancing
But where do I really begin
I close my eyes and start to see
This image of complete joy
A woman of God who is free
Her faith she wants to employ
Songs in the heart filled with love
A voice with much to speak
Sharing what came from above
God’s will is what she does seek
My eyes open again with hope
At what could be my mission
With fear I must certainly cope
With God I must share vision
The longing inside I do hold
Burns to be released for you
Dancing and singing so bold
Beginning to live I must do
With God in my beating heart
Showing all those who care
Eyes wide open I am a part
Beauty in faith is my prayer

 The day before I started this blog, this was the final, final push to get me to start.  This song to be is entitled “Lord, I Want To Be With You.” (see post here)

Lord, I Want To Be With You

Today I saw you walking in the street
Today you glanced in my direction
Today my hand was put into yours
Today words of wisdom were spoken

I am falling on my knees
Begging you Lord, please
Guide me in all that I do
Lord, I want to be with you

How did I not see you there before
Trying to guide me on your path
How could I have been so blind
You finally have reached into me

I am falling on my knees
Begging you Lord, please
Guide me in all that I do
Lord, I want to be with you

Take my hand and lead me on
Never let me stray from your side
Remind that I’m worth your time
Send me out worshiping and praising

I am falling on my knees
Begging you Lord, please
Guide me in all that I do
Lord, I want to be with you

With you, oh-oh-oh Lord, with you
Give me the strength and courage
It is only you I long to follow
So leave me here in prayer

I am falling on my knees
Begging you Lord, please
Guide me in all that I do
Lord, I want to be with you

Lord, I want to be with you
So take me into your will

 So there you have it, the beginning of my creative writings relating to religious life and my life landing in the Salesian spirituality.  There are others I have written in relation to this as well as the many that are yet to come, but these ones are at the beginning, the core of a spark that hit me at NCYC the weekend before thanksgiving. (Reminder: you can read more back story about each piece I wrote by click the link posted for each one!)  I can give thanks to God for all He has done for me especially now as I prepare for entering August 24th!  Isn’t it wonderful, I could become an FMA, a Daughter of Mary Help of Christians!

 

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Be Strong

She is the one who always has to be be strong

No matter what is going on in any aspect of life

She is expected to constantly be on top of her game

There can be no mistakes and it must be done right

She can not show being unsure in answering

But must be ready to jump on command when called

She has to know just what to do and nothing else

If not that then she must not know anything at all

She is the listening ear that people can come to

Where is her chance to just talk everything away

She is not allowed by herself to be fearful and afraid

 Signs of weakness do not go over well in life

She does not even know who she is many times

Even when it stares her in the face waiting

She is tired of always having to be so strong

In whatever form of what may be presented to her

Tired of having to know what is going on at all times

Tired of being the one sent here and there everywhere

Tired of feeling right in place when things linger

Tired of not knowing where she is at right now

Tired of being so unsure of where the future lies

With all these things she needs to remain strong

But she is tired of being strong so what is she to do

Friends are far away with her left to cope alone

Why must she be strong in the midst of it all

When can she fall to the ground without strength

Where will she be if she keeps on being strong

Who will catch her if the strength fades away

What will come of her who can only be strong

 
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Posted by on May 7, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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Friendship

There are those very special moments

The ones that connect people together

They are the times of friendship

Then the bond that lasts forever and ever

What is it that draws people as one

Where in time does that connection start

Why does it hurt to be so far away

When will the day come and not be apart

It is in everything seen that reminds me

Is this how life is always going to be

If the tears do not stop rolling down my face

In all these years can them I not see

My friends are a part of who I am

It is friends that have guided me all my life

Part of me is missing when friends are not near

Friends need to be near for the joy and the strife

So what do I do when I need them here

And my heart sinks in one swift sigh

Not being able to share in person my soul

Makes the times plainly go right on by

Never in the world this I have felt

To be so connected to friends in this way

That the tears run down my face

When I can not be near with words to say

Hear this plea for comfort and hugs

Wishing I could feel their endless love

Give me strength for making it through

And prayers to come down from above

 
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Posted by on March 15, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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A Past is Present

It is amazing the power that things have to really get you thinking.  What comes to mind is a retreat experience once had the beginning of my freshman year in college.  TEC gave me  a lot to think about.  The community I was entering (little did I know how it would grow) was wonderful.  Although now I have found another TEC center that I love more, HV 55 (Hiawatha Valley TEC) was the seed of the thing that would land high up on my passions list (not that I keep a list).  The song and verse from my TEC were awesome to be then, but now I as I look at them, there is a new connection I can make.

First, I give you the theme song of my TEC retreat.  It is catchy and I have always loved it.  Enjoy!

The long awaited rains
Have fallen hard upon the thirsty ground
And carved their way to where
The wild and rushing river can be found
And like the rains
I have been carried here to where the river flows yeah
My heart is racing and my knees are weak
As I walk to the edge
I know there is no turning back
Once my feet have left the ledge
And in the rush I hear a voice
That’s telling me it’s time to take the leap of faith
So here I go

I’m diving in I’m going deep in over my head I want to be
Caught in the rush lost in the flow in over my head I want to go
The river’s deep the river’s wide the river’s water is alive
So sink or swim I’m diving in

There is a supernatural power
In this mighty river’s flow
It can bring the dead to life
And it can fill an empty soul
And give a heart the only thing
Worth living and worth dying for yeah
But we will never know the awesome power
Of the grace of god
Until we let ourselves get swept away
Into this holy flood
So if you’ll take my hand
We’ll close our eyes and count to three
And take the leap of faith
Come on let’s go

Next, I give to  you the bible verse for my TEC.  Previously, I have given this verse as the basis of a poem I wrote.  You can go here to see it if you wish.

Jeremiah 29:13 “When you search for me, you will find me; if you seek me with all your heart.”

I have been doing a lot of pondering about religious life and how much I really want to try this out.  It has been made clear I am definitely afraid.  The other thing on my mind are all the things I do want to lose that are a part of who I am.  I may be over worrying about things, but I also don’t know what I can and can not do if I become a sister some years down the line.  Along with that, I am just basically generally wondering if I am able to handle what God seems to be calling me to.

Take a look at the lyrics from the song.  I need to take a leap of faith.  If I do not let the waters go over my head, I am not fully putting myself in fully to test out what God may be giving to me.  As well, “we will never know the grace of God, until we let ourselves get swept away into this holy flood.”  We can not know all He has to give unless we put everything that we are into getting caught in His plan.

Linking right in there is the bible verse.  Seeking Him with all my heart is the only way that I will find Him and receive the grace that is meant for me.  Where does my heart lay?  It lays so many places, but above all I try to lay it at the feet of Jesus.  If this true that I do this, than why does everything else that is a part of me in such good ways feel like it would conflict part of what God may want me to do?  This particular bible verse is something I pray every time I go into private prayer since my TEC retreat.  So, where am I putting my heart?  Can one’s heart really lay truly in many places?

It really takes a leap of faith.  I am wondering if I have the strength to do it.  Religious life is a seemingly radical thing.  It is just as big as a decision as it is to be married.  In either, you are committing to a whole lifetime.  What is it about religious life that I am getting so afraid.  As I mention all the time, I smile when I think about it or talk about or even type about it here.  So what holds me back?  Entering formation is not something that is permanent.  I would get a chance to further learn if this is where God really wants me.  So why not take it?

It is amazing how over four years later, a song and bible verse seem to be fitting to what I really need to do now in the present moment.  I need to dive in with all my heart to seek God and take a leap of faith.  Will you do the same in your life?

 

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