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Blessed with Adoration

Since coming home, I have been making sure that I don’t sleep in too much and rather go to mass in morning.  Usually at the parish, they have adoration on the first Thursday of the month.  I was kind of sad and disappointed when after mass, it did not go into adoration.  In having talked to a friend of mine online, she had mentioned that I should find somewhere to go to adoration more often while at home.  It was said in light of my needing to sort out some things going on currently.  It made sense to me, so I figured I would stay after mass yesterday for adoration.  I had to leave believing there must be a reason and I had to trust. 

Today I got a pleasant surprise.  Being the first Friday, they had decided to do adoration today.  It was such a relief to me to be able to be in the presence of Jesus in this form.  While I did not stay overly long, the little bit there was good.  There was also another priest at mass today.  I love when there is more than one priest celebrating the mass together.  I am not sure what it is, but it is good.

We started adoration with the Litany to the Sacred Heart.  Three lines stood out to me the most. This is the order that they come in when reading the litany, but I found them sticking out to me in reverse order.  Why they stick out to me, I am still thinking about that. 

Heart of Jesus, full of goodness and love.

Heart of Jesus, patient and most merciful.

Heart of Jesus, our peace and reconciliation.

When we finished the litany, I prayed the morning prayer as we do with the Sisters in community.  I must say though, it is weird to being praying it on my own.  As I was doing that though, I reminded myself that in the heart of Jesus, I am with the others praying it as well. 

As I sat in adoration, I started writing down my thoughts I was sharing with Jesus.  I told Him my struggles and the questions in my heart and mind that I am trying to figure out.  I thanked Him and let Him know where I am at in my life.  Jesus responded in my heart.  I heard Him call me His little sister and tell me that He can not give all the end answers.  He said he would walk with me and guide me along the little steps that bring me to the bigger answers.  I am supposed to be patient and trust in Him, to be at peace and not give up. 

Of course I wanted to respond.  I told Jesus that it is not as easily done and said.  For me, being home provides an inner challenge to the heart.  I did not tell Jesus this next part in my writing but I am sure He knows, when you are living in the faith community things are much easier.  I asked Jesus if I was missing something.  Again He replied, calling me His little sister.  I was told in my heart to be patient.  It came up that I am a person of great awareness and that I will see what I need.  He wanted us to then just pray together.  Jesus told me that He loves me.  I told Him that I love Him too. 

Many people may be not sure of what to say about this type of conversation.  I write what I feel in my heart.  To me, it was reassuring and good.  For the rest of the time that I stayed, I just gazed at Jesus looking for peace and wisdom.  I prayed for healing for me and for others I am close to.  It was good to be there, with Jesus, knowing I have the best support in life. 

With that, I again thank my friends and Salesian community for everything they have done for me.  You were put in my heart today during adoration for whatever reason God intended, so I am grateful. 

Take time to be at peace today.  Jesus knows your heart.

 
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Posted by on June 3, 2011 in Inner Reflection

 

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Reconciliation Plea: Come and Get Me

Before I reflect on something that I find wonderful, I was thinking about another thing.  Why do I put myself out there on the world wide web for all to see?  Why share, in the broad sense even, some of the things that most people keep to themselves?  It is not for my own good to gain greater glory from mankind (yes…mankind and not humankind, for I find that man does not have to relate directly to the male race) or to have people pity me, but rather to share with others my experiences in hope that they lead them to God in some way or another.  There are always lessons to be learned and some of them come from unexpectant places in unique ways.  That being said, I will now continue on to share to some extent a brilliant story.

God will choose when He will show Himself to me and when He will not.  This past Saturday at Catholic Underground left me more at ease within the struggles of my heart and soul fed to my mind.  After the evening prayer it goes into straight adoration with some music.  The group I was with all got up, one intending to move closer to Jesus and the other two heading for confessions before the line got long.  My plan was not to go, but I thought why not since everyone else was.  In the process, we decided someone should stay back with the stuff, then go.  I offered because I had not intended to participate in the Sacrament.  After some debate it was determined, although I was the one in the pew, that I would go and someone else would stay.

As I was walking around to get in line with another of the aspirants for confession, I could not help but wonder what I was doing and what in the world I would say.  Sure, there was something weighing on me that has been, but what would I say about it?  As it was closer to my turn, the two in front of me (one being my fellow aspirant) turned and asked if I would go because they were waiting for particular priests to be open.  I was not going to say no, so I went to the seemingly young priest that was waiting.  It went down something like this. 

I told him about the weight of the past and the effect it has on my relationships.  I mentioned how the closer I get to what I believe to be God’s call for me (which I could be wrong about or could change, you never know), the more I feel pulling away from where God may want me.  That is the general jist of what I walked about.  It is not much different than that of which I have shared with others or that many people knew already.  This is a summary of what I heard back in response, much of it things I have heard in other forms.

  • God has forgiven me for the things I have done in the past, all those sins.  I need to forgive myself for the stuff that has happened.
  • The closer I am to God, the more the devil will pull at me.
  • It is a beautiful thing that God wants me to be His bride.  With that comes the pull of the devil to take me from that.
  • God wants me here, now, as I am in the present.  He does not want me in the past.  He does not want me in the thoughts of the future.  He wants me right now as I am. 
  • The devil feeds on the past and on the anxieties of the future.  He will use that to get to me.  The devil will take those things that hurt and that I do not forgive myself for in order to bring me down.  I will end up in a snowball effect, exploding at the end if I let the devil dig into me.
  • Do everything for the love of God. 

Those are the base things that I was told in my confession, all things I have heard in some form in the past.  Upon receiving the blessing of absolution, the priest then asked if I would pray for him.  What an honor it is, or so that is how I felt when he asked me.

Once I reached my pew, I began to write as I do normally.  These are the lyrics that ended up on my paper.  It is entitled “Come and Get Me.” 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me

 

You have forgiven me

But it all stays still

Lead me, help me

To forgive myself

 

This sin is no more

My life has turned

With Your grace

I must forgive myself

 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me

 

You’ve given me life

Yet the devil attacks

Perseverance needed

I need Your strength

 

Help me to live

In the present now

Cast out the past

Look not ahead

 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me

 

This path I follow

I pray You call

Life consecrated

To Your will

 

Give me Your love

Let it flourish

That I may reflect

Purest Image of You

 

Jesus, come and get me

Pull me far away

From all temptation

Oh sweet Jesus, Savior

Come and get me



This is my prayer, that Jesus would come and get me where I am at right now.  For Him to take me as I am, with all the struggles as well, is the greatest gift ever.  I hope that I am able to take this experience and use it in my life.  There was a small metanoia; something changed within me that was ever so small, but big enough to move on with life.  God is amazing, isn’t He?

 
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Posted by on November 8, 2010 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection

 

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Just Die!

Dying, what do we often think of when we hear about death or the topic comes up?  There is a constant line of thought that tells us it is bad and life must be prolonged as much as possible.  What I know is much different.  How we possibly live without dying?  People think if we die, there is nothing left to live on earth.  This is not how it goes!  We must die everyday, every second of our life!  No, not physically die.  Sometimes yes, there is a physical dying that happens in reaction to the dying we do else-wise, but either way you come back stronger.

Faith is the most important thing in life.  Faith in Jesus, in God, in the Holy Spirit.  If you are holding a huge stack of weighted boxes, are you able to receive in your hands a rose?  Each and every time we fail to pray, skip out on mass, neglect others, and anything else that is not being a good Christian; we add another box to our arms.  We carry so much pain and hurt as well.  We hold grudges, we don’t let go of loss, we fail to take care of ourselves, and we deny God a way into our lives.  All that adds to the boxes being stacked.  How can we ever see what God has in store for us and receive the love of His rose with everything in our hands that blocks our views?

This is where we need to die to ourselves!  How do we do that?  With the love of Jesus in the sacrament of Reconciliation!  Of course, there are other ways to put down the boxes too.  Confessing to a priest who stands in for Jesus gives us that chance to tell Him directly that you are sorry.  All these things that we do to hold ourselves back from a life of true faith we need to get rid of.  We need to die so that we can live.  Society now accepts all the bad things as a way of life, as the way it is, an individualistic type of society.  Like I said, what I know is so much different and so much better!

So put down those boxes.  Die to yourself.  Let go and let God.  That way, you can receive the rose and the love of the Trinity.  Be a part of that community of love in which you can only being there when free of pain, grudge, deceit, and sorrow.  God and His son Jesus will be waiting for you with the Holy Spirit waiting to fill you up to the fullest!

Just Die.

 
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Posted by on August 3, 2010 in Inner Reflection, Retreat Experience

 

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