Tomorrow I become an official postulant, no longer to be called a “postulant-to-be.”
I have been extremely open with my formator, whom I have great esteem for and look up to immensely.
The current provincial explained to me how where my heart is can be worked into that of which my heart is not located at; not sure how I feel about that yet.
The assistant of the community, who lives with us, is a sweetheart and no one could not love her.
This house is full of amazing sisters that I love to be around, especially hearing their stories.
I am ready…I am going to be a postulant…pray for me…I need it…
It has been a while since I have posted, as those faithful readers may have noticed. Life has been an abundance of things going on and emotions to peel through. I would have these awesome thoughts that I would want to share with all of you then it a time would come where I could post them and the inspiration would disappear. This is just a few things of the past days and days to come.
Camp ended great, though clean-up was interesting. It was hard because I am so used to the way my old camp ran, which was always great. I will miss some of those kids, but for me it was not the same. I could not get into it as I could before.
We got to go to the evening prayer/ceremony for the postulants becoming novices. It was so amazing to see the joy on their faces. I got a chance to talk to a couple of people I wanted to talk to, which was great.
Professions were beautiful. I was a part of the instruments of the choir, the only blueberry doing that part. It was kind of nice, though the instrument practice was a little frustrating at time. It is what happen when musicians get together. The sister who conducts is amazing and I absolutely love her. The five who professed were radiant and glowing with the love of Christ. One could not believe how happy they were unless they really knew what it meant to do what they are doing. An old companion of mine and a very dear friend was able to come, so that was indeed a great blessing for me and for her too I would imagine. The day was good and many blessing came that day.
Since then we have been busy in development helping out the sister in charge over there and her crew, as well as with tasks/projects around the house and school. There have been there tensions, but also those good times. Lessons are certainly still being learned, hopefully by all.
I am excited for next year and ready to move on (minus the lack of packing). There are a good handful of things that I am nervous for, but most of them have to deal with things around me going on and relationships with some others. This life is not easy and as I have been told many times. these things are normal going through formation. With all the comings and goings, changes in people, and all sorts of stuff; it can send you into a spin. Patience is needed, but hard sometimes.
Trust in the Lord. I have been talking to Jesus more and making more of my journal entries as letters to HIm, laying everything down. I still reflect on that past experience I had with Him during my spiritual direction. I play my two songs inspired be the Holy Spirit often as they remind me of why I am here and what I must do.
Sweet Jesus, brother and friend, transform each and every moment of my life.
Fresh from my hands and my heart, I give to you another poem. It is entitled “Waiting Within.”
Do you see it like I can see it now
Where did it come from, but how
It flutters around in me like a butterfly
Somehow it has lifted my spirits very high
My insides, oh do they really feel it
It is almost too much, how can I just sit
Oh the urge, it is definitely there
All this time left to go, can it I bear
Questions, oh the questions in my head
There are so many what ifs to be said
See that thing lurking in the darkness
I think it wants to make me feel less
No, wait, it cannot be allowed as so
With this light that warms me I must go
Why this brightness that must fill me
Where it leads, this I must really see
It sends away all that seems to pain
Oh the smiles that I cannot contain
For this greatest you give, I long
Just look at what it gives me, such song
The wait, will I make it to that day
The entering moment coming my way
Oh do pray for me this time to wait
Until comes that very special date
The things that fill me inside are numerous and great and in such varying degrees! Into rhyme I do fall in the midst of it all!
Fact: There are four years of formation for the Salesian sisters that one must go through before taking first vows. The following definitions are taken from Merriam-Webster. The first year is Aspirancy. An aspirant is “one who aspires.” The second year is Postulancy. A postulant is “a person admitted to a religious order as a probationary candidate for membership.” The third and forth years are the novitiate. A novice is “a person admitted to probationary membership in a religious community.”