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Tag Archives: Frustration

Your Little Lamb’s Tears

For what reason do these hot tears fall

I took my broken soul, answered the call

In this place there is found so much peace

Yet frustrating troubles do not yield or cease

In this all that my being truly weeps for

Or is it so much deeper, so much more

Explain all this in me, yes, I have tried

No one knows  fully all the reasons I cried

Surprised in me is something so great

But Satan tries to block it with such hate

Not able to fulfill all God wants me to be

I am left to discover even more, patiently

Misunderstood and disregarded, I then cry

For me and all else who struggle, but why

You see, a gift to be is given my heart

At times a curse if I cannot sometimes part

Here is how it goes, if you can get it

Within other people’s ups and downs I sit

Absorbing all that happens all around

There is really many things to be found

A lack of awareness and consideration

Leaves me hurt with unneeded frustration

How can I not move on from my nightmare

And see the other hurts lingering there

I am stuck in feeling it all, everything

Thus making it hard for me to sing

Let my hot tears fall, take what came

Pain and sorrow that leaves not the same

Help me to learn from this precious gift

So that my faith in you does not shift

I answered the call with all that I am

Keep me in your peace, your little lamb

 
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Posted by on February 27, 2011 in Creative Corner

 

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He Will Get You Home

Hello world!  So I know that in many posts I talk about the frustrations of life and forget to share with you the joys and little surprises God places about.  In this post there may be much of the same with some talk of frustrations, but it ends with a surprise that occurred in the last moments of my waking hour.  Let me bring you back to this past Friday, yesterday if you read this on the current day of Saturday.

This week had surely brought me many trials.  Personalities run wild and all over the board.  Learning to know each other and how they work is something to take time doing.  I find that much of the things that happen that are not of a joyful nature strike at my core being, seeing as I am a very deep feeler.  Things of the past as well as things of the present are being used against me.  Others, as well as me, attribute this to Satan trying to pull me away from what God wants of me at this moment in time.  It was said of a friend from TEC that the closer we are to what God wants of us, the harder Satan pulls to get us.  Satan will take every means he can to get to us, using past bad experiences or those things/people around you to get you down. 

Basically, I have need to have a meltdown, just to stop worrying about it all so I may pick myself back up again.  Thank goodness for the friends I have back home as well as the friends I am starting to make here. 

It the morning during prayer, there were two things that popped up in the prayer time that stuck out to me.  The first was some lyrics to a song we sang.

For to live with the Lord, we must die with the Lord.

We must die with the Lord.  What a powerful thing that we forget all the time.  There are going to be hardships in life.  I personally just need to figure out how to deal with them appropriately.  The second quote came from a psalm that we read in the psalter of the office.

Rescue me, O God.

That is my prayer, for God to rescue me from all those things in my life that hold me back from what God truly wants.  With this all day, I was left to figure out how to live these things in my life and overcome what I need to get over.  Of course, the struggles piled up as I have not found a way to solve them.

So the end of the day comes and I am all a mess.  I stop by another aspirant’s room because her light was on and door open.  While talking with her, I noticed that there was a book on her desk.  It is a compilation of things that have been written by Max Lucado into a book called “Everyday Blessings.”  It gives a thought for each day.  Here is what I read when I when back to my room on September the 24th.

Satan falls in the presence of Christ….  Satan is powerless against the protection of Christ.  When Jesus says he will keep you safe, he means it.  Hell will have to get through him to get to you.  Jesus is able to protect you.  When he says he will get you home, he will get you home.

Oh my holy buckets of humor that God must have.  The way things happen like this, how else can one explain it but God?  I still do not get it, but it is what I needed to hear and still need to hear.  Just a little reminder that Jesus will bring us through.

 
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Posted by on September 25, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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Thoughts of the Evening

Good evening you to all.  I just want to share some thoughts on my mind.  They consist of a few frustrations, and some joys.

Meeting with the provincial was great in the sense we sang as a group 30 minutes before she showed up while waiting, we spoke up and voiced our opinions, crying happened (which means there was openess and a wall starting to fall), and we just generally had some funny moments. 

I was just told to be mindful of how long I am on the computer and not to hog it, minding you I have been on it for no more that 5-10 minutes and others are on here longer. 

The outside world of nature is a beautiful place and reminds me of who I am and who made me.  It is a constant drilling in my head that we shall not make things more complicated than they already are. 

Working together is still hard as a group, but it will happen eventually.  It was said to us that if things are hard now, they will get better. 

As soon as we think we have recovered from one thing, we get hit with something else.

I got to help people learn the dance we are doing for the rally.  I drilled them over and over…they both were exhausted physically and mentally from it. 

The kids at the school have mixed up views on who we are as aspirants.  We take their phones and kick them out to class, but we want them to trust us and have fun with us. 

I have to keep praying that God will bring me through all this and that I may be a good example to others in the way of thinking that works for them, staying positive and optimistic as possible, making sure that we take the best out of every situation.

 
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Posted by on September 21, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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The Depths of the Heart

Today is another day.  I walk from place to place looking around at my surroundings and all that fills the space of this place.  How did I land where I am in life?  What is it out there that is calling me deep in my heart and soul?  Life has always just happened kind in a flow with out much need for thought, although I have always given it more thought that anyone ever could.  Going to Saint Mary’s feel upon me in peer conversation of the decision.  Heading to work with the Marianist was a discovering of Google searching.  Desiring to explore the Salesians started with a meeting in a bathroom.  Everything seems to fall into line with I need more rope to walk across the desert on.

As I laid in my bed last night listening to my Christian music, something was pulling at me inside.  It was trying to go past my mind/thoughts, past the struggles I hold at home, past the frustrations that pop up around here.  It was calling me deep inside to something more.  So when I walk that place to place I try to picture life here, always.  Am I not letting the greatness happen by spending much time in pondering on it?  For my heart sang and danced for joy when the muisc played into my head.  Everything of my mind says all of this is not possible, not even faith.  Everything of my heart, soul, and being says this is it, God is there and he is watching out for me.  So what is it that I feel called to that is so much greater than this world and how can I describe it to anyone else in such a way that they could fully understand?  There are people here at the Salesians that I could surely voice this too or one of my two closest friends, no doubt there, but in what capacity?  Would I be underminding what God has in mind for me?

This part of me feel like that of which is greatly planned for me is hindered constantly by surroundings that cause me to doubt and think of myself otherwise.  I know that Satan will work through whatever means he can to get to those who are getting too close to God.  Here is a quote from a book called Unbound: A Practical Guide to Deliverance by Neal Lozano. 

[Satan] often walks through other people – those God intended to represent Him, such as parents and other caregivers.  Those with primary responsibility of presenting the character of God to the next generation are Satan’s targets and prime agents. (34)

How true that is!  Satan works in anyone that could cause you doubt, frustrations, and what have you; that could send you astray from God and what He wants for your life.  So then, it could be possible that even in the best of people, like those that I live with now, Satan can be using them to bring me to doubt the vocation that God wants me in.  Tell me so, isn’t that frustrating to be pushed out fromteh inside of what is so good and holy!?  With this in mind, the fight now becomes staying on my feet admist everything that life throws me, wherever it is from.  Then, how shall I discern what is of God and what is of Satan in what I am to do with my life.  All the same at moments in the day can be my feelings of leaving or staying, both giving me satisfaction but also both putting me in disaray. 

There is this other quote that hit me from the same book.

Lord Jesus, come and get me.  Capture my heart with Your love.  I do not have the strength of Jacob; give me the courage to ask  for the freedom and blessings that are mine in Christ.  Show me who I am and Your plan for my life, my identity and my destiny.  Bless me so that I may be a blessing to others. (29)

The part that sticks out to me in all the turmoil that is within is the first line.  “Lord Jesus, come and get me.”  I need to pray that He will come and capture my heart.  It is about all I can do.  Pray pray pray.  I ask once again, as always, that you will pray for me.  In turn, I will pray for all of you who follow and read my blog.  Peace and prayers.  Trust, don’t overthink.

 
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Posted by on September 4, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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Frustrations in Prayer

Why is it that prayer, for me at this time in terms of my discernment, can be frustrating?  I find that when I do get myself to walk the couple yards across the hall, I am unable to keep myself there for very long without crying, or from leaving for that matter.  Deep down, I really would love to strengthen my prayer and spend an hour with Jesus each day.  This could involve silence, music, reading, or anything that involves prayer and spirituality.  I know that we must present ourselves to God, not just the good of ourselves, but absolutely every part of ourselves, complete and total surrender.  Really, it sounds so much easier that it actually is.  Even knowing I have let go many times one of the darkest things in my life to God, as well as received Anointing of the Sick, has not helped feeling like I am not right to be in prayer there with Jesus.  I am trying to move past hard times sticking with me.  Complications I tell you.  Outside influence is not much of help either.  In the end of it all, whatever is dwelling in me, I find frustration when I go to pray.  How do I move past the frustrations that I can not even grasp completely?

 
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Posted by on March 8, 2010 in Uncategorized

 

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