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Three Years

May 2008.  It was a very important month.  That was when we started to sponsor a child through World Vision.  Her name is Priyanka and she lives in India.  I was only a Junior in college.  My friend Jocelyn, who co-sponsored with me, was a freshman.  We had decided that this was the right thing to do at the time.  Making a difference in this girls heart was my goal.  We sent some letters and a few packages.  Sure, we were not the best of sponsors that one could have, but rest assured she had more prayers than any of those kids could ever of had.  We love her very much.

A few years later now, Jocelyn and I are in different places in our lives.  Jocelyn has graduated from college this year and trying to figure out the next step in her life.  finances are always interesting when one is in transition.  As for me, having entered religious life, I won’t ever get an income to afford.  Sure, I have my own money the first two years of formation, then before the last two years of the formation program I have to give that up.  I do have another year, but even so, it will prove difficult. 

Talking with Jocelyn, we decided it is best that we discontinue the sponsorship.  I e-mailed World Vision asking how to go about this.  They replied asking what I wanted to do for sure and the reasons why.  Upon replying, only a day later I get another response.  They already cancelled my account and ceased the sponsorship.  When I went to read that, I started crying.  I did not expect that type of reaction. 

What is it about this that makes me feel that emotion?  I never met the girl, we never communicated that often, and it was only three years, right?  There was something special in the prayers and the love that was shared. It gave me such joy to know that I could, at least for a while, make that difference in someone’s life.  So yes, the tears did come.  How long until someone sponsors her again?  Will she understand?  Can I write to her still?  Will we be the ones that she knows as those who abandoned her in their love?  All these I have to entrust to God.  I can e-mail them and ask if I can still write letters here or there.  If someone else is sponsoring her, I am sure that it is not possible.  God protect her please.

All the same, I have to remember those youth that I serve here with the Salesians.  They are just as important to me.  You never know, maybe someone I come in contact with will be able to sponsor a child.  I may even get them to be able to sponsor Priyanka.  Jesus, I trust in you.  Transform me. 

 
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Posted by on May 23, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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Divine Silence in a Torn Heart

There once was silence in my heart

Long ago as a small child care-free

Love was all I knew, life was so full

Then the years pass, war is waged

The silence dwindles, chaos builds

Oh how my heart has broken much

Consumed by lots, such uncertainty

Calm is hard to find admist it all

Once place I must go, before the Lord

For even when torn apart, He loves me

Will I ever find that silence again

Could it be here in this place secure

Then why chaos in my heart to dwell

Peace, pray peace to my heart so lost

Make it simple, make it full of love

Then maybe once more I will feel

The divine silence in my torn heart

It is amazing that even in a place where things seem to be coming together, I can be fighting a torn heart filled with chaos.  There is much to be healed and much to still set free.  All the same, I love it here and it is teaching me so much.  Lord, enter my heart please. 

 
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Posted by on January 16, 2011 in Creative Corner, Inner Reflection

 

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Patience My Beloved

During class this morning (yes I was paying attention) I started to be inspired to write again.  This is what came of that random inspiration to write.  It is almost like a call and response, being able to be sung as a psalm possibly.  I had an idea for the melody, but I must recall it again.  I see the refrain as God (in whatever form of the Trinity) speaking to us and the verses our call to Him in the moments of this life.  For me it relates more so my current place in life, formation with the Salesian Sisters.

Be patient my child, I am with you

For you are my beloved

Oh Lord I’m being tempted

My mind is full of chaos

Will I ever find calm

Be patient my child, I am with you

For you are my beloved

My heart pulls every direction

The evil one creeping in

Can I still keep him out

Be patient my child, I am with you

For you are my beloved

There is pain in my past

Following like a shadow

Does peace ever come

Be patient my child, I am with you

For you are my beloved

I am here to be with you

There is a great love in my heart

When can it be released

Be patient my child, I am with you

For you are my beloved

 
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Posted by on October 9, 2010 in Creative Corner

 

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Do You Know the Answer?

The other day I was posed with a question.  It was as such, “who are you?”  Much to my surprise, I was unable to come up with an answer, or even a partial one.  While most people responded with “a child of God,” or some related answer, I drew a blank.  Yes I am a child of God, but that answer was not one that snuck up in my mind at first thought.  This leads me to wonder.  Do I really know and feel truly who I am?

Our lives are filled with many things, but lets begin here.  There are lots of people in the world who define themselves by what they do, how they dress, and such related things.  Those things may express who we are but are not the definition of who we are.  We can get so wrapped up in worrying about those material things, or making sure we are “the best” at everything.  Of course it is good to do our best, but we do not have to be the best.  Either way, it should not define who we are.  I would not say I am a poet, I am dancer, I am such and such…those are outlets for me.

While others may know who we are, we are not defined by others.  I feel that this one is esspecially important to remember here in my days of formation.  A lot of who I am, whoever that may be, is being challenged.  There are always opinions around about you and always someone who will not like what you are doing, how you are doing things, where you are doing things, and you see my point.  I am seeing that we tend to let that overtake us.  While it is important to listen to the thoughts of others because there may be something of value there, we must also be aware that we still need to hold our own to some degree and not become what someone else thinks we should be.  There is a fine line in all of this, one I feel is tred upon quite often here.  There is still that search for balance. 

Ever feel like you live multiple lives with a couple different sets of personalities.  It is quite interesting.  While I may not be “crazy” in the way one would define someone of this nature, I do have the sense of this at times in my life.  This is where a big portion of teh struggle of “who am I” comes into play.  Surely a child of God is in the definition, but beyond that.  How do we really balance ourselves?  What do we do with the bad part of ourselves that we all have lurking away somewhere?  We need to focus on what we think God wants us to be.  So then we just circle back around to answering “who are you?”  Thus we end up withthe same answer.  A Child of God.

 
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Posted by on October 5, 2010 in Inner Reflection

 

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