In a comment on the last post, a question was asked of me and I have decided to address it in a post. IT is something that I have not thought too much about, but rather but too consumed by so many other things.
What was the moment when you said, “okay God, that’s what I’ll do?”
The past day, since I read that question, I have thought up and down my whole life to find that moment. Now, one may think that would be an easy thing, but I can not find a single “ah ha!” moment that rings true in me. Instead, there are just all these little things that have come together slowly for me. There is the feeling that there is so much more for me, the love of working with youth at camp, the passion for retreat work, the longing to find ways to make my faith really strong, wanting to help people, being there for my friends whenever they need someone, finding God in abstract ways, and so many other things.
For most my life, I always remember wanting to be outside, and just be. There was something amazing and wonderful about being outside. As time went on, especially when I hit college and got to go in the bluffs on hikes, I realized being outside was one of the places that I found God the most. I wanted to make my faith stronger and understand why I continued to stay Catholic rather than stray elsewhere.
The pull for something more was there in high school, but when I hit college, it really yanked on me. I wrote before about the struggles between the awesome points, as well as the difficulties I had with finding a major that I really felt I was supposed to do. All of it was important, but through it all, I wanted more and to do something unique to reach out. When I first asked myself what it would be like as a religious sister during my sophomore year, I had no idea it would stick this far.
Looking now to all that has happened since I met the Salesians for the first time, as much as I freaked out on the outside, I have done nothing but smile about the whole thing. Sure, there are those questioning moments that I mentioned previously. Even in that, I found myself smiling. When I went to do my interview this past Monday, I was beaming. Something has felt right the entire time, even though I have never been able to 100% admit it yet.
Basically, I have said yes over and over, but have said no a few times too in between. I have been telling myself and preparing myself for a long time now, to be open to whatever God may call me to do. It was this path, religious life, that I had never expected to come to me. Now, I just need to continue to accept it. I am happy to thinking of my life this way and I smile unable to stop smiling even when I try hard. What I have found helps is knowing that many people are following in the journey, one of the reasons I want this blog out there.
I hope this answers that question, even though straightforward it is not. Thanks for following. Peace and Prayers!