Since coming home, I have been making sure that I don’t sleep in too much and rather go to mass in morning. Usually at the parish, they have adoration on the first Thursday of the month. I was kind of sad and disappointed when after mass, it did not go into adoration. In having talked to a friend of mine online, she had mentioned that I should find somewhere to go to adoration more often while at home. It was said in light of my needing to sort out some things going on currently. It made sense to me, so I figured I would stay after mass yesterday for adoration. I had to leave believing there must be a reason and I had to trust.
Today I got a pleasant surprise. Being the first Friday, they had decided to do adoration today. It was such a relief to me to be able to be in the presence of Jesus in this form. While I did not stay overly long, the little bit there was good. There was also another priest at mass today. I love when there is more than one priest celebrating the mass together. I am not sure what it is, but it is good.
We started adoration with the Litany to the Sacred Heart. Three lines stood out to me the most. This is the order that they come in when reading the litany, but I found them sticking out to me in reverse order. Why they stick out to me, I am still thinking about that.
Heart of Jesus, full of goodness and love.
Heart of Jesus, patient and most merciful.
Heart of Jesus, our peace and reconciliation.
When we finished the litany, I prayed the morning prayer as we do with the Sisters in community. I must say though, it is weird to being praying it on my own. As I was doing that though, I reminded myself that in the heart of Jesus, I am with the others praying it as well.
As I sat in adoration, I started writing down my thoughts I was sharing with Jesus. I told Him my struggles and the questions in my heart and mind that I am trying to figure out. I thanked Him and let Him know where I am at in my life. Jesus responded in my heart. I heard Him call me His little sister and tell me that He can not give all the end answers. He said he would walk with me and guide me along the little steps that bring me to the bigger answers. I am supposed to be patient and trust in Him, to be at peace and not give up.
Of course I wanted to respond. I told Jesus that it is not as easily done and said. For me, being home provides an inner challenge to the heart. I did not tell Jesus this next part in my writing but I am sure He knows, when you are living in the faith community things are much easier. I asked Jesus if I was missing something. Again He replied, calling me His little sister. I was told in my heart to be patient. It came up that I am a person of great awareness and that I will see what I need. He wanted us to then just pray together. Jesus told me that He loves me. I told Him that I love Him too.
Many people may be not sure of what to say about this type of conversation. I write what I feel in my heart. To me, it was reassuring and good. For the rest of the time that I stayed, I just gazed at Jesus looking for peace and wisdom. I prayed for healing for me and for others I am close to. It was good to be there, with Jesus, knowing I have the best support in life.
With that, I again thank my friends and Salesian community for everything they have done for me. You were put in my heart today during adoration for whatever reason God intended, so I am grateful.
Take time to be at peace today. Jesus knows your heart.