There are 78 days to go until I am to arrive for my first step in the convent as an aspirant. I can not tell you the amount of feelings and emotions that I have in me about this part of my life to come. It is a huge joy. It is something I have never imagined actually doing.
One of the things I have had the most difficulty with in the simplest way is about wearing the habit and veil. For the longest time the habit (for as long as I really knew what it was) has always intrigued me quite a bit. The thing is, I have not always been so sure I can see myself wearing it. To me, there is a great sense of peace to feeling the breeze run through my hair and on my bare skin. There are things like swimming at the lake at my grandparents cabin with my family, possibilities of others around. Of course, that time being a ways away, who know what ministry I will be doing and where things will take me. Yet still the habit does thoroughly intrigue me.
That being said, here is my point. I have had interactions with sisters, or see sisters often enough, that do not wear the habit. Watching them and thinking about where my life is headed, I try to decipher where I think I am in the thought of wearing a habit. My realization is that I am not sure I could live as a sister not wearing a habit. There nothing that separates them from everyone else as a wedding ring separates a married person. They do have a distinctive medal, but anyone can wear a medal. It is not that I am unappreciative of them in the choice their order has made, it just is not for me. Through trying to picture myself as a sister without a habit and veil, I have come to realize that maybe the habit and veil of the Salesians could be something I could wear.
78 days left to go!