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More Than Motions

06 Mar

Take a moment and just reflect on the words and pictures of this song/video.  I have provided the lyrics if you would like to read them.

This might hurt, it’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care if I break,
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
“What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?”

No regrets, not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something
‘Cause just okay is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of this life

‘Cause I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
“What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?”

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (’cause I don’t wanna go through the motions)
take me all the way (I know I’m finally feeling something real)
take me all the way

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
“What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?”

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking,
“What if I had given everything,
instead of going through the motions?”

take me all the way (take me all the way)
take me all the way (I don’t wanna go, I don’t wanna go)
take me all the way (through the motions)
take me all the way

I don’t wanna go through the motions

We all do it, don’t we?  We are constantly just going through the motions without much thought to anything but getting through it all.  Is this what we really want with life?  Do we want to just go through the motions and lose out on all that we are missing when we put ourselves into things?

I used to think that just going through motions for the sake of doing so would allow me to not feel pain.  There were times I put some emotion and some of myself into things, but after having just done for the sake of doing, I found it hard to reverse.  I stand now questioning everything that I am doing.  Deep inside I know there is a passion growing in me for so many things.  There is also this great desire to be someone more, to do something more and great with my life.  The fear stands that I am going to have to let go of all the little things that bring me great joy.  What if when some of those things may leave, depending on how my path continues, I lose bits of me?  How will I deal with that?

I love getting dressed up, it makes me smile, especially when I am down in the dumps.  I love taking the pontoon to the middle of the lake and jumping off it, swimming about.  The adventure of being at cabin is one I like (most times!).  I love taking my car and driving to random places, cranking the music up, landing somewhere where I can just be.  I love camping (in a tent), hiking in the woods, canoeing, backpacking,  running about here and there on expeditions.  I love dressing up for that special whatever may be going on, hair curled, looking gorgeous and feeling like a million.  I love the idea of traveling the world.  I love so many things I feel will not be able to carry with me if I am following what I understand to be God’s plan for me.  Can I handle it?

I know that God will provide and if it truly wants me to become a sister, then that is where true happiness lays for me.  Some say that we can find true happiness and joy in many places, but then how do we know what we shall do?  God, though, has a plan for us.  Sure, there maybe there are different ways we can reach it.  But if He knows everything and how we will reach Him already, aren’t we then just going through the motions he set out for us?  These are many questions that run through my head.  Oh dear, do I stray in thought often.

Motions…am I just going through them?  Every time I go to mass, every time I pray, every time I do anything; I wonder what is going on when I do the things I do.  Is it just motions, or am I really feeling something true in me?  Am I excited about religious life because other want me to be or because others say it is a good fit and they are not surprised?  Could it be that I am excited because I am feeling it myself?   It scares me at times because so many people are happy that this is something that I considering and working on an application for.  If it is them that feeds my feelings, am I just going through the  motions to complete what has been set into play, the moves made by others?  I want to know surely that I am considering this because I want it, but that seems to not happen like that.  There are a million questions running through my mind, many doubts, many tears, and yet all the same, many smiles.

I am only human.  People expect others to be so much more than that, without troubles.  Someone once said that someone was not a good group leader/facilitator because they did not go to mass.  That person that does not go to mass I find to be more true to themselves that they have taken the time to think about the motions they do.  Sure, going to mass is vital the the Catholic Tradition, but props to that person.  I feel that so much more is expected of me because I am a pastoral and youth ministry major (aka I studied theology) and now I am discerning a vowed religious vocation.  The thing I want to scream back is that I am struggling just as much with the motions as everyone else!

The only thing left now is that I need to discover the meaning behind the motions.  I need to find out why I do them and what importance they hold for me.  Maybe the motions sometimes is an okay place to start, but if I am living my life that way the whole time, something will always be missing.  That is not to say something might be missing even if I am not just doing motions, but my point is made.  Try not to go through the motions without much though.  Think about why you do what you do and what it means to you, you may be surprised at what you find.

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Posted by on March 6, 2010 in Inner Reflection, Inspirational Music

 

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