Today after my spiritual direction meeting, I went to run some errands. First I went to Walgreens to get some things I needed, then I headed to Ross. Ross is a clothing store mostly, “dress for less” is their tag line. I had received a while back a gift card and thought I would check out what was there that I would need or want. In my mind, I am taking into consideration that if I enter, I would not be wearing as much for street clothes. Do keep in mind, I have until August (God-willing that I enter) to be normal me wearing fun clothes. I have enough now it seems.
Here is the deal, I love cute clothes and shopping for clothes and skirts and dresses and shoes. Some say I am girly, recently I have given in to that fact. As I was looking through the dresses, I realized that when the time would come, I would have to give up and set aside this part of me. While of course, it is only material, but that does not mean it won’t be hard to do. Why is it that something that has no importance holds the weight it does with me? Is this going to hold me back from what may be the best place for me to be? The idea of wearing a habit intrigues me and I am kind of drawn to it, but I have also like to have some unique definition of me in terms of seeing.
Some people say that religious life is people making cookie cutter shapes out of people and putting them into the world as so. I know that is not true. Each person is unique in their personalities, traits, likes, dislikes, passions, and what not. So why is it that clothes, something so visual and material, make a huge difference? Do not think that I am believing this cookie cutter theory some have, cause it is so not true. I am trying to understand why this is so hard for me to comprehend. Sigh…just another question to ponder.