Standing in the dark on the beach, wind piercing through my layers, sound of the waves against the shore, the few minutes let out much emotion. I found that the warm tears fall from my eyes, heating my face from the cold wind, where but a small representation of the world that lives inside. They fell for the good, they fell for the bad, they fell for the sake of needing to fall. For whatever reason that they fell, they felt good to fall.
Being in the piercing wind brought me close to God. It struck to to core of my being and it ran through my bones. Such as it is when one lets God into their being and lets Him guide one through ones life. Maybe I am not a hundred percent there, but in me that wind caused such a shutter that emotions ran out. At that moment of deep piercing I longed to just be filled with the courage to take head on without worry the plans set forth to me. Where that complete courage may not be here, the prayer came out of me wishing for it. Staring into the ocean so many things were there.
It seemed that the water running as far up the shore as possible represented life for me, in the brief moment there. Life in man different ways of thought shot through me. One could jump right in all bundled up and go until there is no more left and disappear. One could go far enough, feel the bitterness, then back away. One could hear the life it can bring if looked at right, taking the experience of a couple minutes with them. The path life could go, my life could go, gave many paths to think about. How easy it could be to disappear at that moment, yet how much easier it was to wipe the tears and walk back into the life I am living. Sure, frustrations pose there moments in life, but if life were smooth, where would be the adventure. God wants us to lean on Him.
My thoughts adrift they did go to religious life. Freaking out is part of the game. As the water crashed to the shore I thought of all that could go right or wrong. Who am I to be called to live the life of a sister? Where does all that I had hoped for and love in my life that can no longer be go to be released? While there it is so fitting, while away it falls apart, and there on the beach so many things happened in that piercing wind. Only God knows the deep depths of my heart, if only I could allow myself to go there, through the pain and sorrow, through the things I wish of my life, to what He wants of me.